I will share a very brief intro about my past, I have attempted suicide 9 times in my past, 5 times ending me in a Psyche ward but none have permanently helped.
I do it to escape my life, because it gets unbearable sometimes, seeing as I lost my sister Match of this year, my engagement broke not too long ago, I was physically and sexually abused the end of last year (I am away from both the people who did that, luckily), I struggle with Bipolar disorder, my pain gets intense from flare up from Fibro, I have seizures, panic attacks, severe PTSD, etc… You’d really have to get to know me to know more, but I don’t wish to share too much currently, just the basic parts.
Now, I am struggling to live, it’s been hard getting to my job, I’m in such a fog I keep failing what I am doing at my work place and almost got let go off earlier today for mistakes. I think of suicide constantly anymore, but seeing as I literally have no spare cash to spend, I can’t afford insurance, a doctor, or therapist. So I had to Cold-Turkey all my med 2 months ago now, I know I need them, but I can’t spend $600 for just ONE prescription to last me 30 days, that’s about how much I make a month and I need like 4 other meds, yet, it’s impossible to get any of them.
I am alive yet I feel dead, I keep coming up with sure ways to end my life, and I really want to live on… I can’t give up now, I just can’t, but it’s painful to keep going on daily.