wubwub

Well hello there! One of the many depressed among this site.(: I’m in depression, thinking about suicide, so I’m seeking help because God knows what the fuck I’m supposed to do. I wonder why i’m told “Don’t kill yourself!” because I don’t really see the point of living. The only thing keeping me in this fucked up world is because I’m afraid of Hell. Yes, I’m a Christian. (:

Why do people try so hard to live? Even if i were to live, and live a better life, have nice house, nice cars,a nice someone that loves me, I really wouldn’t care. People work so hard to live an fanciful life that might never satisfy them. I don’t seek money, love or power. I just want to stop, and peacefully die. I’m just tired.What I’m saying is, if you say “Don’t kill yourself! There’s more to in your future! It’ll all get better!”, I don’t care about the better life.

My family will suffer if i killed myself? The thing is, I want them to suffer. I want them to blame themselves for the rest of their life and break apart. Sick? Yes, yes I am. My family’s kind of cray cray with issues. That includes me, as you see, I want to die. Issues.

My GPA is so low that I could barely have hope for any good colleges. I’d say I’m pretty smart (excuse my vanity) but I don’t give a fuck about the world, being in depression, I kind of stopped caring for my grades. When I do care, it’s too late.

My friends are all fake, as I found out going through my depression. When I started skipping school, they stopped talking to me, even as going as far to mocking me. Mocking is a nice way to put it. Is this what they call bullying? I’ve never been bullied i my life. For the first time I have to worry about who’ll work with me in group work. I guess skipping school disgusts them. Even my teachers mock me in front of the class.

If I was smart enough to not get caught for murder, I’d murder my family. Then probably kill myself. Wow, am I psycho. My mom and dad are gambling addicts that fight often. I know they never loved each other. I think the worst fight they’ve been at is when My mom got some knives and tried to stab him.Now when there are fights, we hide them knives. Yes, this happened when I was young. Traumatized @.@ Then she almost got a heart attack. Cops and everything whew

My brother always plays the victim, and I’m the bad guy in fights. Of course, my sister sides with my brother.So does my mom and dad. She wants to kick me out of the house. Never liked her honestly. We all have anger issues, so when there’s a fight, there’s A fight.

I don’t talk to people with my issues. I don’t like to. Nobody probably knows i’m like this though, because I’m always the smiling kid making jokes. Wow won’t they be surprised if they heard I’ve killed myself. Therapists? Don’t  they cost money? I don’t have the luxury to get them, seeing to as my family being broke.

I wonder if anyone will read all this.. Got quite long haha sorry. Had to vent. Have a good day! I’ll go back to being depressed (:
Maybe this is a phase, maybe it’s my teenage hormones. I don’t know. But what i know, is that I won’t regret killing myself. I’m not one of those dopey love sick teenagers that kill themselves for stupid, stupid reasons.