Lately, i’ve been thinking about suicide. This anxiety is eating me out alive. I feel it nonstop, it’s always there. The feeling is so unreal, that it’s a mixture of the shock you get after hearing about the death of a loved one, and going down a big hill on a roller coaster. I have an anxiety disorder and a broken family. My parents rarely understand anything i’m going through, yet they’re always there for me. There’s a boy I love and he doesn’t love me back. He’s also depressed. If he were to die today, so would I. It would be my fault if […]
July 2013
Am wanting someone to correspond with regarding ideas on the best way out. If you are located in Sydney, that would be wonderful. Would really love the reassurance of knowing if worse comes to worse, I have a practical plan to put myself out of my misery. Can’t get guns in Australia or the drug used to put down animals that can sometimes be sourced from Mexico is pretty much impossible to get here. Other options I have read about are Propoxyphene (Darvon, Doloxene, Depronal (Digesic /Darvocet no good)) which can’t seem to order online with no prescription or Amitriptyline (Endep or Elavil) which on the […]
ive wanted to kill my self i have failed how do i make sure i die?
I am trapped in a dark place, tormented by the choices I have made. I want to end my life, to end my pain, but this pain will never go away. The moment I stop hurting, will be the moment that the people I love begin hurting. It doesn’t seem fair to endure it myself, and far more unjust to give it away to someone else. But I need to escape. How can I break free from the prison of my own mind? Someone please tell me how.
If I commit suicide, will I go to Hell?
This is a short story I wrote today. It’s a story of loss, learning, and recovery.
Somewhere, in an unknown area, there was a place that lay deep within the depths of a forest. It was called the haven. Surrounding it was an abundance of pink blossoms and lilies that were as white as snow. The grass that nurtured them was bright green and lightly blowing as the comforting breeze gave life to the area. Not once had humans touched it, for no person had ever discovered a place as beautiful and vivid as this. It was much too far away for even the best explorers […]
Like I never thought I’d be the one to be suicidal but I can’t stand my reality and the thoughts I have. It’s really really agonizing and frustrating. Like I think of things that shouldn’t even matter. Like why am I human and why do I have to be human and see other humans all the time. Like humans are stupid and weird. I like weird but its unexplainable. I just feel very very repulsed as a human. I can’t stand it, makes me wanna kill myself everyday but I don’t cause I gotta live for my family and boyfriend. I also can’t […]
Sometimes I really just want to die because of how pointless life can be.
I’m 49 years old and have had suicidal ideation since I was about 9. I’ve had a lifetime of therapy, over 23 years of 12-step meetings, and almost 20 years of anti-depressants. I have many friends, I’m a licensed attorney, and I have the most charming house. Most important of all, I have the most awesome kid. When I read that I should not commit suicide because “things will get better,” I assure you, in many respects things couldn’t get any better. However, the effects of child abuse are incurable and life-long and after being alive for almost half a century, I am confident that things, fundamentally, […]
In high school I would rarely if ever challenge mistaken or erroneous assumptions or allegations of authority figures, feeling timid toward the discomfort of conflict. I had recorded and would hold onto relatively trivial incidents that should have been forgotten the following day. My youth, and later, young adulthood, were spent with intense frustration characterized by potential unable to be developed, holding increasing resentment and bitterness to past wrongs that went unresolved. Lesson: Learn from misfortune, failures, and injustices. Don’t dwell on them, try to see the positive, try to learn something, see how to handle similar situations in the future, and move on. Much […]
When i read suicide stories online. I allways read reactions like, don’t worry, one day everything will get better. It will all be allright. You might feel sad at the moment but your future will get brighter.
Well, stop lying, it’s not going to happen. I take my pills daily, pills to reduce my depression but also pills to reduce my pain. My nerves are damaged and i have chronical pain.
It’s going on for 2 years now, and no. It won’t get better, it won’t restore, i’ve lost all hope.
I shouldn’t even be drinking with my medication, but i do. I drink even more […]
I really wonder am I weak for letting the pain get to me like this? For all the tears I’ve cried for all the times I’ve put a blade to my skin. For the constant thoughts of killing myself? For not wanting to be here. I have had a hard past but why cant I just let that go and move on? Why cant I be happy again? I have to many questions…. but honestly I am tired. I hardly ever sleep anymore and I have to force myself to get up and go on everyday. I appear happy to everyone but I’m no where […]
I’ve tried everything! I’ve only managed to turn my love into hatred, but I don’t want that either. I just want to not have feelings
Things do not move fast enough in the morning times, or night times or any time someone is manic I guess. Not saying I am. Just more acting manic. Mind racing, feel unstoppable. How was I gunna relate this back to depression or suicide…I guess really the fact that this is the only time I am alone is quite dangerous if I were so inclined. In fact all my attempts except one have been in the dead of night. General factors that were present for all of them, a means to an end, alcohol and…time. I guess thats all anyone ever needs…
Through the past year I have learned a lot about depression and a little of mental illnesses in general and since I have nothing better to do for the next…4 hours I will type out what I think I have learned. Please correct me if I am wrong.
Side effects of depression, whether it be major depressive disorder, dythemia- but excluding manic or bipolar depression
-loss of concentration
-weight gain/loss(amazing how you can have the two extremes for one illness…)
-feeling of hopelessness or helplessness
-anhedonia
-apathy
-poor memory(possibly relating to loss of concentration or lack of sleep)
-sleeping too much or not enough(again with the […]
Truth is, I’m back where I started. It’s coming up a year since my last attempt, which landed me in hospital. I thought I was getting better at this thing but it turns out I’m not. I can’t sleep and since I can’t sleep I have no energy to do anything. I’m failing school and I’m a disappointment to my parents, but honestly, right now I couldn’t care less. I need help but I don’t want it. I just block everyone out and put up walls so I can’t get hurt. I don’t want to be here anymore. They need to let me go so […]
So one night. About 1500 words later and this is my 3rd, 4th post? It feels good I guess to just ramble on without having to worry about people I know judging my saneness. Social media is…frustrating sometimes. It looks like a good place to vent, but you are constrained to acting the persona you put on in front of friends. Which I guess is your decision, but you can not always be honest people. Especially if you are depressed. You often tread a fine line with what you say and what you let people know. In the past I have tried being honest with […]
Just wondering how many people out there are apathetic perfectionists? Oxymoron? Maybe. However, I think it describes what Im going through perfectly, or what I did go through. So in high school, mainly grade 12, I would get in the habit of doing a half assed job on projects, writing assignments and they like, but being disappointed when I didnt achieve a good mark. I got angry at every mistake I made. So this is where the perfectionist comes in. It would make me so full of despair and a sense of futility. Theres also the apathetic part of it though because I did nothing […]
I’m in a constant battle with my self. My friends and family beg me not to cut my self or to think about killing myself but its not that easy. I mean they try to support me but they sometimes make me feel like I’m worthless and that i failed them. I hate myself so much already and I’m scared to tell them they make me feel this way but I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this hell. I try to make everyone else happy when I’m dying on the inside. Can someone help me? I’m lost and confused.
If smoking takes a minute off your life every time you smoke does that apply to suicide? So if you try to kill yourself will you really die minutes before you succeed? If only.
Topic of the…minute…hospital stays. Lots of stories about being in the hospital. Mostly met people just like me. Even was recommended to a group that was for people for more than one suicide attempt. Part of a study on the effectiveness of CBT I believe. Ended up being with two people I knew from my hospital stays. One was my neighbour on the ward and another was another person a few rooms […]