My daughter’s father before he committed suicide.I was three months pregnant. This was while we were still happy.
This is Annabelle, our daughter. She was born 3 months after her father committed suicide. She looks just like him.
Step one – you say, “We need to talk.”
He walks, you say, “Sit down. It’s just a talk.”
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
‘Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
Pray to God, he hears you
And I pray to God, he hears you
And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
4 comments
TFF, I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how something like this can affect a person, it’s absolutely devastating. My thoughts are with you, your child and your late partner. RIP
SB Thankyou, even I am still figuring out how it’s going to affect us myself. It’s the most prominent thing in my life that haunts me daily. My mind is always going through the what if’s, like what if I had been there, or what if it was somehow my fault. I know it’s too late to change anything but that doesn’t change the fact that everyday I wish I could even if it was just for him to be here with her.
Such a cute baby…..yes I can see the resemblance of him in her. …I offer my condolences for your loss I know this is a hard thing to deal with and I hope you are able to muster and sustain the strength to continue on for your daughter. I actually saw your post earlier but was unsure on whether to comment because of my views on suicide. I am pro choice however, I don’t think its fair when people leave children behind…..nonetheless your husband may have been suffering and battling personal demons for a long time. I don’t think he saw any other way out of his own personal hell due to what he chose. The important thing is that you do not blame yourself. Even if you had done everything possible whose to say it would have mattered? I know this won’t stop you from wondering “what if” but I’m sure he would not want you blaming yourself. If he was past his point of tolerance then there was probably little anyone could do….once people reach a certain point its just boils over…I know this because I will end my life before this year is over. I know my words probably won’t do much to stop the pain but I truly do feel for you. I hope your daughter grows up to know her father was a strong man and her mother was just as strong.
Thank you I know as long as I do have her I will have a reason to live but if anything were to ever happen to her, I pray to god nothing does, I don’t think I could go on. I know he had been battling depression and thoughts or suicide for going on 14 years, I don’t know what his final tipping point was, but I will probably never stop wondering if there was something I could have done to change his decision. I loved him…I still do. I love a ghost, and I always will.
Also, on another note as to your views.
I am not one to bash or even get angry at all at others for their choices but I’m still the hopeful one that wishes the best for people, I am the kind of person that will go hungry so that someone else doesn’t have to or that will break my back to help a complete stranger because I honestly believe if there was more of people helping each other, being there for each other, and genuinely caring about others that the would really would be a better place. I am Christian, but I am accepting of other religions and cultures, I am against abortion because I believe every child deserves a chance at life, you know know what great things they could have accomplished and it isn’t their fault that your pregnant weather the circumstances are carelessness, not being able to provide , not being ready, or even rape, it isn’t the child’s fault and there is always adoption, even I was adopted. I believe people should have the right to be with the person they love despite their race or gender, love is love no matter who the person is so how can it be wrong? I try not to judge people before I get to know them. I try to be the type of person I would like to know. I think that everyone should be allowed their own opinions on everything even if others do not agree with them and I feel they should be allowed to voice them without fear or reproach. I do not agree with suicide, I wish all people could find what it is they need to pull through, but I am an adult not a child, and I know that is not always the case. I am guilty of self harm, even though that was almost 7 years ago now, I am guilty of thinking about suicide, and even at one point coming very close to attempting it, but unlike most people I found my reason to live. I do not hold anything against you for your views just as I hope that no one would against me.
And I know it may not make any difference, but as long as it will not offend you I will pray for you, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that something changes that makes you want to live. I truly do.