Have you ever watched someone you love self-destruct right next to you and not be able to do anything about it?
I have. Â Many times.
I’ve been there for her so long, and she doesn’t even care. Â She doesn’t even know how hard it would affect me if she actually finished what she started two years ago.
I can barely function anymore because I am so afraid that every moment she isn’t with me, she’s trying again.
Losing her would probably finish me off. Â For good.
I’d check out permanently. Â Suicide would be a plausible option then.
Please don’t let that happen. Â Please–if anyone cares.
But no one cares. Â About her. Â About me. Â No one would miss us.
Everyone is tired of hearing me talk about her. Â About suicide. Â No one who has ever claimed to care about me has ever let me cry to them. They’ve called me pathetic, they’ve called her pathetic. Â They’ve told me I complain too much. Â That I am too negative. Â That I’m too pessimistic. Â They say the whole “depressed quiet thing” is played out.
So I’ve stayed quiet. Â I’ve kept my mouth shut. Â What’s some pain for me if everyone else stays happy?
8 comments
Well, maybe you can say that I care since I understand what youre going thru right now. Ive lost a friend and having suicidal thoughts myself; I dont understand all my feelings yet. And I may lose someone that I love – but Im fighting against it.
“People say things…”
Maybe sometimes it’s better to not listen.
I know you care a lot about her, but unfortunately you can’t help her pain. If there is an adult that you trust, you should try talking to them about her and maybe they can help.
But if there’s nothing you can do… maybe you should stop talking to her for a while. This might be something she has to deal with on her own, and when you’re around, it’s a reminder of what happened, and makes her more sad. This might not be so good for her.
I know would hurt, a lot, but this might be best for both of you.
She wants and needs me around. If I left her, she would die.
And I don’t remind her of what happened. Looking in the mirror does that for her. I wasn’t even there the first time it happened. Not during at least.
Well, then as I said, find a counsellor or something who /will/ care, and tell them. Perhaps she needs to start going to therapy, and then they could help her work through her issues. This is obviously a lot for you to deal with, and if you find help for her, you won’t have to deal with it all on your own.
That’s the thing. Everyone knows. Her family, her friends, my family, my friends. She has like four counselors and has been in the hospital multiple times. She never gets any better.
Hm, is there some way you can remind her of the good things in her life? Try to bring her happiness, when others don’t understand, and are probably negative? Instead of bringing out your frustration upon her, treat her as though you would treat someone with a terminal illness – try to make every day better for them, so that they won’t only suffer. Just do little things to cheer her up and take her away from all the bad stuff. Then she’ll know that someone cares about her for who she is and maybe will start to appreciate herself more, and she’ll be glad that you have stood by her side.
I try, and it works–for a little while.
I don’t ever talk about myself with her, or my problems. I treat her like she’s amazing and beautiful and smart, because she is…and everyone treats her like she’s the best person in the world. She just doesn’t act like she cares about anything that I do.