It has been almost a year…
Since I lost the man I love.
Since he gave up.
Since my daughter lost the father she never got a chance to meet.
 Since he shot himself.
I was six months pregnant with his only child.
She is perfect.
She looks just like him.
But he won’t ever know that.
He is gone.
He has been gone for nine months and twenty-nine days.
It feels like it has been centuries.
I watch the one video clip I have of him just so I don’t forget his voice.
I only have one photo of us together.
I have less than one-hundred photos of him at all.
My daughter will never know her father.
His family wants nothing to do with her.
She reminds me of him every day.
She is seven months old now.
She is growing so fast.
She is the only thing I have to hold on to.
I know he didn’t mean to hurt the people he loved…
But he did.
I know he loved us…
But he’s still gone.
I wish I could have told him how much I loved him…
But we were separated.
We weren’t talking…
Because of one stupid fight.
He ignored me when I tried to fix things with him.
So I gave up.
I left him alone.
I thought we had time to make things right.
Two weeks later…
He was gone.
I never realized how much it hurts to lose someone you love…
Then I lost him.
6 comments
I’m so sorry 🙁
@theforgottenfew Your story touched my heart, I’m very sorry. I wish you lots of peace (and for your baby girl as well).
“I only have one photo of us together”
…Imagine having none.
I’m very sorry that this tragic thing has happened to you… Remember to stay strong for your little girl. <3
his heart is in your daughter so dont ever give up on her
take care of yourself
@muspelhem Thankyou, I hear that a lot but honestly I don’t even want sympathy. I just cant handle continuing to suffer from this in silence.
@Tristeza I hope that what I have experienced can help someone, anyone, to realize that even when it doesn’t feel like it that there can at least be one reason to keep on going. I KNOW how hard it is to keep going because I do it every day, and I do it for her, not for me. If I didn’t have any I don’t know what I would do, I keep the one I have in a frame next to my bed…
@Persephone (I just want to say I love the greek reference, I am greek and Mythology is one of my favorite topics) but back to your post thank you, I look at her and I see him it hurts but it’s also the single driving force that keeps me going.
@yes_iam_strange Thankyou…she is my only anchor. The only thing that keeps me going day after day. If I didn’t have her I don’t know if I could hold on.
I feel like I’m in a similar spot to your late ex. I have thoughts. If it means anything, I feel slightly more motivated to not go through with anything because I feel like you would be another person that I would hurt.