so.. tomorrow I’m turning 28.. I guess this is like journalling to me.. with the hopes someone out there actually gives a shit..
but I’ve had a long story with depression and stuff.. and I think I’m finally coming around the bend.. kids.. take note.. I just recently broke up w my gf.. I went fkin psycho on her like most of my ex girlfriends.. and it was going so good and she was so nice.. very beautiful.. and we both liked to hang out and party and drink.. she was pretty much the perfect companion.. well good enough for now.. and I fucked it all up..
i blew my lid on her.. I recently didn’t make a cut for a job I was working at for 3 months.. because I don’t have a degree.. something that I have failed to obtain again and again because of my “bipolar disorder”.. well now that she has left me because she felt I was too negative and emotional all the time.. I felt like I needed a change and switch in my head.. and FUCK ME! that is all you need.. and now that I’m feeling more calm and positive.. she is not around anymore..
we could’ve been hanging out and all that.. and I wish I was like this when I was with her.. but it’s long gone..
Kids.. it’s all in your head.. it’s a mental switch.. it’s not easy sometimes you really need a slap in the face to realize this.. but this whole depression shit.. who knows why some of us go through it? But now I know that I went through it.. because I allowed myself to..
My life could’ve been so simple.. but now I’m alone.. albeit I still have a lot of good things going for me.. but I failed at love because of this.. so kids take note.. don’t waste your time on this shit..
Go find what makes you happy and just do that.. focus on your goals.. and stop thinking about trying to jump off a building.. life has a lot to offer if you just surrender to these possibilities.. albeit however hard they may be.. FUCK IT! YOLO! right? you’ll die one day anyways.. just make the most of it
peace and love
4 comments
You mentioned “bipolar disorder” and “again and again” in the same sentence. In that particular sentence, you were discussing failing to obtain your degree. If it’s bipolar disorder, there are probably other things happening “again and again” on a recurring basis. I speak from experience on that… and it didn’t seem that the cycle broke until I got help. Have you reached out?
Of course I have. I was given a whole lot of medication when I was 18.. and I stopped when I was 26 or 25 cuz it wasn’t getting me anywhere..
Sometimes I feel that it’s quite real cuz I just get lost in my own head sometimes.. it’s so much harder when I’m not working.. cuz my thoughts just go everywhere.. i go to therapy from time to time..
It’s the weirdest thing sometimes.. but hey I can’t surrender to it.. that’s been my mistake this whole time.. that it really just is in my head.. and what my life could’ve been like if I realized that earlier..
I turn 27 Aug 21st. I think I am bi-polar too. I have a decent life, with friends, family, a job. I know I’m not going to commit suicide at this point, well I really feel like I won’t. I still think about it though, usually late at night, a flood of bad thoughts comes, makes it take an hour or so to fall asleep. It’s ok though, I’m glad I found this site, it has helped me. Wish I had found it sooner.
@ ifoundmeandyou
Your card is the 5 of clubs.
Keep it with you at all times, for luck.