Why I feel this way I don’t know. I’m just upset about nothing. Pathetic, really. Right? I wasn’t bullied. I wasn’t raped. I wasn’t abused. I’m just sad. I really do wish that I had a proper reason; a trigger; a valid purpose for wanting to end my life. They all say life will get better, but I don’t think it will. I used to. I thought this was all just a phase; a couple years of my life spent wallowing in my own pity and sadness. I’m only a teenager, after all. I will be sad sometimes. But this is a new feeling. A feeling of hopelessness and like . . . Like there will be no end to the bad thoughts. They will always be there at the back of my mind, fighting to be heard. No matter how much I try to be positive, the thoughts will be sitting at the back of my brain, in all of their glory.
I don’t know. Recently, things just got bad. Real bad. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t really want anything anymore. I’m 14, as of yesterday. I spent the day celebrating with family and friends. I know I’m loved. I know I have friends who would care if I died. I know I have family who would be completely ruined if I were to die tonight. But I can’t help the thoughts. They don’t understand, none of them do; I can’t help feeling this way. If you think I want to feel this way; like I want to end my own life, you’re deadly wrong. I’m just so sick and tired of feeling either numb or suicidal. I want there to be something. But no, I can’t have that. I’m either too stupid, too worthless, too weak.
 I just want to feel something. Something that makes me think, “Hey, maybe life isn’t so bad!”, but then again, life inside my mind is pretty shit, really.
8 comments
Yea that is kinda scary when there is no real reason why you feel depressed,Now that scares me Maybe too happy lol? Google Suzy Gonzales,That will you tripp you out…
Basically its about this bubbly girl who had everything she wanted,Literally got accepted in a good school,college, but she ‘just felt bored’ and yea killed herself,Idk that scares me
I don’t know if someone can get 100% better and be completely “normal”. Honestly, I doubt it… But I know that (cliché) most people can and will find a light of hope someday. Hope to keep on pushing foward.
Don’t mean to hijack the thread, but I checked out that Suzy Gonzales story. I can relate to her. Many people tell me I have the best life, but nobody knows of the demons I’ve dealt with for 20+ years and I will never open up to them or a mental health professional.
That’s my point of view, basically ^^
*tristeza
Oh so there was issues then?? I guess there was(talking about suzy gonazales story)
I just cant see the issues she had,unless se got bullied or something but didn’t say…Sucks either way
@RT30 Ha, then Im not alone 😀
Some people can be happy for no reason. Some people need a reason to be happy. Some people can be sad for no reason. Some people need a reason to be sad. I guess it’s all based on the individual and their perspective and circumstances. I don’t really know how to view your situation because you don’t know why you are sad you just are and that’s okay but you are a teenage girl…..Could it be puberty or P.M.S I don’t know a hormonal thing? I’m just guessing.