So in seventh grade, a good friend of mine was very very close to ending her own life. At the time, I was extremely close to her and that morning she texted me saying her goodbyes and for helping her through everything. This was all on the bus to school, and at that point I was panicking because I wouldn’t be able to see her as we went to different schools. In my rush, I came to the conclusion that I needed to find help so I found another friend of mine who is also her cousin. We went and talked to the school counselor, and at that point I was in tears. I couldn’t stop crying at the thought of losing someone so close to me.
The counselor asked about the situation she was in, and I explained as best as I could trying to get myself together. After we were done she said normally cases like these didn’t end in the person killing themselves, but due to the situation on hand she called down to the school and made sure she would be safe after school.
For the rest of the day I spent going through my classes in a daze almost. All I could think about was whether or not she’d be okay. I broke down crying at the end of the day again and had to excuse myself into the hallway.
It’s a horrible experience, the idea of losing a friend so close to you. It still pains me looking back and thinking about it. But to this day, she’s come out a lot stronger of a person. Though I don’t talk to her much anymore, I’m overjoyed to know that she survived, and as did I. We were so close to the point where I wouldn’t be sure what to do with my life if she were to end hers. She was my best friend.
Several months later, for some unknown reason my self-esteem dropped to an all-time low. I cut myself frequently, my arms are now covered in scars. My mother is an alcoholic and was worse at the time so that didn’t help much. People from school didn’t like me too much, as I was often made fun of for my dreams of becoming a singer or actress. They’d mock the songs I’d write, or music I’d sing and it was awful. Each morning I dreaded getting up and going to school in fear of worse to come next. I didn’t know what to do. At that point I was somewhat mute I suppose you could say. I didn’t talk to very many people, nor did I really interact. Several years before, I was bullied a lot for my looks overall and figure. Growing up I’d never been accepted for who I was. In time, I realized that people wouldn’t always be there for be, but music would be. It turned into my outlet, a way of expressing the emotions I’d kept bottled up so long. Though the insecurities still taunt me to this day, I’ve come out of the shell I created to protect myself a bit and learned to accept my flaws as what they are.
1 comment
Hello,
Just ready you’re post. Music is also a really good outlet for me, helps immensely. It’s both sad and amazing that through that experience of people judging you, you learned to look at the bigger picture and push aside the lies of what they were telling you. Accepting yourself for who you are is one of the most important things in life. People like those people who judged you and treated you poorly couldn’t accept themselves and love themselves and their flas so they looked to make others feel bad about themselves. Good for you for not letting that bring you down 🙂
My dad used to be a drug addict as well..it was hard. Especially because they can’t be their for you like they could if they were sober. I am glad you didn’t loose youre friend though and are not letting those things bug you. You’re post made me realize something that made me sad about something that’s happening in my life. I actually was that friend who was going to kill myself, and I was messaging my friend just the other day actually telling him I was going to do it. Not to scare him, but because I actually was going too..well clearly didn’t end up happening cause I am here now, but you’re post made me realize how killing myself effects other people obviously a lot, but more now, hard to explain. So thank you for that.