I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s like my oldself escaped somehow. Is that even possible? Or am I still me but its hidden really deep inside. I don’t feel like myself when I’m alone. I don’t even know who I am. Everyone knows that happy girl because that’s the act I put up for people. Or is it..? I wonder and question about my life. A lot. I have family and friends who love me. I still don’t know why I feel so empty, this isn’t the first time. Actually I been feeling like this for a while. Putting up a past on smile and acting its is all natural to me, but when I’m all alone when no one is around they wouldn’t even know that was that happy girl. I. don’t. know. Is all I can say, its in my daily vocabulary saying, because to be honest I don’t really know and if I do I would rather keep it to myself then hurting others because truly my family is the reason why i feel this way. they aren’t terrible. At all. I didn’t even know if I wanted to post this. This post doesn’t even make sense. I understand I guess. I don’t know..
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4 comments
Try not to let others define you. You get to decide what fits and serves you. Other’s judgements are just that, born out of their emotional reactions to their limited perceptions.
That’s true. At times I can’t help but care what people’s options are about me. Half of me cares and half of me doesn’t.
I understand what you feel like. It makes perfect sense. I went through exactly the same thing – you are not alone.
It is nowhere near as easy as just deciding who you are. It feels like living as two people, fighting over who is real and who is the illusion. One feels like a mask, hiding the other… But who is it? Is the good girl a disguise for the person you are underneath, or is your darker side preventing the good person from coming out? All i can say for you is think about the choices you make. Fight yourself. Feel seperate from this person. If you don’t want to kill yourself, then try to supress the dark person. When you make decisions, think slowly. Who is making that choice? You – the real you – or someone else?
People do care about you, but maybe you feel that they don’t care enough. One of the reasons that i’m still here is because I stopped living for myself, and started living for those who cared about me.
Even though I don’t know you, I still care. I really hope you feel better. And i’m truly and terriblly sorry if my comment made you feel worse…
I read your comment a couple of times. I actually understood. Your comment didn’t make me worse, it actually put a smile on my face. So thank you.