you look at my life, seems calm and cozy. i have a well balcenced life with exersise and friends. got ski racing and cadets. From a birds eye view it looks as if  i have the near perfect life not just from other people but i think so to but im just so sad. my life is overrun in my mind i gotta think what to do next for cadets so the head officer wont give me shit. But he does any way no matter how hard i try. he tell me to do a list of things i need for next week. usaully saying polish boots,hem pants,iron rhis and iron that. so i do and the first thing he does is give me a new list. so you think just quit cadets, but i want to be in the uk air force. the pain is to strong to bare so im probly going to quit anyway. the thing that makes me so a grinched is that evrey time i try somthing i dont finish it. you name it evrey time i do anything it leads to me giving up because i cant handle it. the list is from minisculle things like drinking tea to more big things like ski racing or cadets. this is an ongoing problem for me. it all started two years ago when my parents first divorced i lived with my mom for the first year in an apartment. evrey night i would go to the balcony edge for like two hours and just sit there thinking if i should jump or not. this went on with no concern from me or my peers because i never thought any thing of it. so i moved into my dads house bin there for three years and all this shit came back. it was about half a year ago sometime in march it all came back with a vengence. i mean like evrey minueut it was kill that or hang now and so on and so on. it didnt go away i just got used to it. used to having evrey ten mineuts of my life trying to kill myself. until about june 2013 i develpled scrizofrienia and a siezer sydrom so i saw a counsuler told her what i told you and she said i need to go to bc childrens hospital straight away. so i went the doctor said is this that about divorce and i told them i hate my mom and she was never part of my life anyway. the docter went into the other room and though that i was fucked. after three days got out went home tried it again didnt work. so my usuall day of sucide attemps evrey ten mineuts played out unit late august 2013. i remember the i got cadets so im going to tell my dad that that i cant do it same thing with ski racing. i feel more realeved that im going to tell him. then thought to myself ive never finished any thing cant even go to school so what the point of always being disapointed because i dont have the mental strength to do anythin why dont i just give up on life for real no half trying to kill myself if i dont get any support whether its on this page or not in two weeks ill go dowm town vancover and jump of the canada pacific building. please to anybody on my post i just did this to see if anybody could give me a legit soullution. ps god forgives all sin so as long as im prepared i’ll go to heaven.
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Starting things and not being able to finish them is MAJOR sound of depression or ADHD. It could be either. But they require different medications and I’m no doctor. DId you tell the doctors that you started feeling this way right after the divorce? Did you used to follow through with things before the divorce or were you always a little scatterbrained? They diagnosed you with schizophrenia, are you taking any meds for that? And are you convinced that’s an accurate diagnosis for you?
Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get more of a feel to see if I can help you. It sounds like you’re overwhelming yourself. The military, any military, is notorious for being a major mindfuck, they purposely overwhelm you to make sure you’re able to hand extreme mental strain because you need to be able to keep a clear head in intense situations. Maybe try something else…anything else. You don’t have to do marathon type things. You don’t have to drink tea every night ( you mentioned tea ) but you could drink it once a week. Maybe you’re not sticking with these things because they’re not really what you wanna do. Is there anything you truly love to do? If you feel like there’s nothing you love…that may be depression.
it was not the divorce,all that the divorce did was push me to relieaz that from the time i was born i just give up on evrey thing i do have adhd and addral to coupe with it but it dosent help. i actully dont truly no why im so sad it an onging problem that know one ive met can realy figer it out including me
Hmmm, well depression is known as a kind of “sadness for no reason”. It’s sometimes triggered for some people but sometimes it’s seemingly dropped from the sky into our brains. Well the fact you’ve been diagnosed ADHD is at least good reason to try to be easier on yourself when you give up at things. It’s not necessarily bad to jump around with things, as long as you can always have something to focus on….I really don’t know if I can help you. There’s nothing recurring, no recurring thoughts that make you sad? Maybe… Hm I don’t want to do more harm than good by saying this. but here goes, maybe your parents giving up on their marriage made it feel like it’s in your blood to just give up on things? But it’s not. Though we inherit a lot from our parents, we don’t need to become them. We can learn from their mistakes…I hope I’m not assuming too much, it was just an idea from your wording. You said their divorce caused you to realize this so. Let me know if I’m helping at all or annoying you.
you are helping what is reacuring is alot of my friends give up on me am parshally lonley only got one friend and cant go to school because of the anxiety of being around other kids. with the judement of this that i try to control myself but it aways leads to a fist fight. i just cant hanlde any thing thats why i barly go to school anymore. the worst part is im so easy about it
My parents were never married, I’m not even aware of who my father is, but my mom doesn’t really give a S**t so yeah i don’t really have nothing :'(
hey POK99, look into medication. It’s not the end-all, be-all but it can help… and it’s better than going on feeling like you do every day. I hope you can kick your anxiety and troubles to the curb! I’m experiencing a ton of that myself and didn’t go back to school this semester for the same reasons.
the thing is scarredkitty is that i think that suicide is the best answer. not cause im sad,pissed or depressed just cause for me it seems like an osis in a desert. ive have bin reading the bible ever since these problems occured and from my understanding ive done most of the steps to get into heaven. jesus forgives all sins including suicide. plus heaven for me sounds like a place of peace and non judgement just people being people.
But there’s also the chance that you bring all the problems you have now to heaven to work on them. It’s notoriously hard to get into heaven if you read the part of the bible it says “it’s a narrow path to heaven and many are led astray” so even though I think there’s a chance those who commit suicide can go, God or whoever, definitely wants us to choose life. I say or whoever because I was born and raised Catholic and studied the bible a lot but I haven’t really been a practicing Christian or anything for awhile now.
I understand how you feel as I too feel like suicide is the only answer for me. But I’m under no delusion I’ll go to some heaven, if there even is one, after this life. I’ve thought about this a lot, and if it were that easy…wouldn’t everyone kill themselves to go to this beautiful place where nobody judges anyone?
ive bin preparing for three months and pretty sure im good. but thaks for the reply