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we r 1

by inf1n1

(I) IS THE EGO MAKER the false self (i am just is) to write what 1 thinks dont matter anymore bcuz 1 knows it is in the being the silence of nothing that i find myself as free immortal love primordial energy although i have chosen to loose myself and be a trolling bstad to survive i get angry and frustrated from that bliss i used to be my heart broke this is what causes me to want to suicide and i am very capable as i have done it b4 and was saved i live for other 1s there attachment and love to me but secretly i wish to disappear i know to much and even my writing is contradictory to what i know maybe this is a successful suicide story the end feels near my broken <3 wants to go home and thats a good thing but not for all the friends and family that have attached me i feel trapped by there energy i wish to be free!~

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scarredkitty 9/9/2013 - 10:49 pm

You sound like you understand a lot…What I get from this post is that you once knew love and really felt it but you don’t feel it at all anymore, and when family members give you love or their feelings of attachment it feels like a heavy burden because you just want to go..you don’t want to be tied down to earth with them, you want freedom. I can relate in some ways. Not in others.

inf1n1 9/10/2013 - 12:12 am

yes scarredkitty you know! thx u for connecting… that enlightend heart i destroyed it i am sad 3 years i just drink alcohol foolishly i give up that loving spirit within to survive and be there for friends and family but im lost

scarredkitty 9/10/2013 - 3:38 am

but if you had it once you can always return. i ebb and flow with those feelings. so it’s like you gave up your tenderness to harden up so you could bear life and be there for family but even though you look alive you feel dead now on the inside? sounds like you need to go to the root of your problems, like why you had to numb it. i mean we all get scared when vulnerable but some more than others. i hope you find your light again inf1n1 <3 i'm searching for mine

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