First I want to start with a little history. . .
April of this year I had my first attempt of suicide. It was a great day no worries but for some reason it just felt like the right time. . There was no emotion behind it. I was just sitting there and bam I thought ok I can kill myself now. . . Blankness.
Moving on now. . .
I feel like I’m getting back to that place of nothingness. Some days I feel suicidal, others just thoughts. But it doesn’t fell right at the moment. . Nor did it the day I attempted. This actually really worries/scares me.
What if tonight is the night that I decide it’s ok. I hate this I don’t want to be there! I mean who does?
I want a future, one that is dedicated to studying reasons why people like me feel this way, but I don’t know if I’ll make it.
I’m spiraling and it’s fast because emotionally I don’t care that I’m feeling this was but my common sense side is telling me it’s wrong and bad.
1 comment
It sounds like you are impulsive. I would try to just sit back, relax, try to “regroup” your thoughts, see if that helps.
You evidently see the value of your life, so don’t make any decision to end it.
Do you have a doc or someone to talk to?