I have two _selfish_ prayers that I wish to see fulfilled. That she, and all those who love me, forget about me, and that God send me to Hell, where I can hurt no one, ever again.
I killed her, you see. She was a young, vibrant woman working her way through school. My selfishness and my depression worked to slowly tear her down.
She stopped playing sports, to be with me, because I whined. She stopped hanging out with friends, because I wanted her to myself. She dropped out of school, because I got lonely when she left.
So it should not have been a surprise, when she broke her ankle, being out of shape as we were. It should have been obvious that this lack of exercise might lead to the kind of blood clot that entered her lung.
I want to die, but I don’t want to ruin her in the afterlife. I won’t take the easy way out and kill myself in some cowardly manner. I demand to be damned.