im currently 16, i have been going to counselling for about 2 or 3 months but thats all irrelevant. i have a boyfriend, also 16 possibly going through depression as he shows some signs of it and has recently told me he wants to disappear or dissolve into the earth and cease to exist. now i too have been in a situation where i have not wanted to exist (ive attempted 3 times before, obviously not succeeded) but i dont quite understand his situation, he doesn’t particularly want to die he believes he is too much of a coward to do it and i am glad and thankful he isnt going to try as he said it would hurt me and he would never forgive himself if he hurt me like that. however he doesn’t want to live either. as far as i understand he believes he doesnt have that bad a life and that his sadness isnt real or important as he can still be happy etc. he says he’d rather want actual sadness than whatever he’s going through at the moment, its a little hard for me to comprehend as i dont fully understand.
he also believes he is prone to schizophrenia or would like a definitive answer as to whether he is actually ‘crazy’ or not. i am utterly clueless to this as i am not familiar with how to help him, thats genuinely all i want, to help him and i realise it may take time or he may relapse in order for him to be happy but even if he doesn’t want to be happy right now id rather be able to just give him advice on how to help him, im not going to let him fade to black even if thats what he wants right now, i know in the future possibly a year or two ahead. i want him to be able to look back on this rough patch in his life and be like yeah she was there for me.
i have a general understanding of sadness under the depression lable and i want him to have someone when going through this, when i was at my worst (back in July) i had no one and id like him to have someone, at least anyone to help him get better. so overall what can i do to understand him or support him better, when i comfort him i want to be able to say the right things. i just want some advice on how to help someone who wants to disappear, sorry for the background story or if this is probably another one of those teenage girls who love their boyfriends too much etc i may have rambled on a little
1 comment
It is helpful to connect with another person. Someone who is suffering as you describe needs professional help, because the common relationships rarely allow for the freedom of expression of the deep hurts and often the response is one of fear instead of empathy.
You can encourage your friend to seek this kind of help. Understanding your friend is a taller order, because it takes mature perspective. Maintaining a relationship is also a challenge, because you will have your own “stuff” come up to deal with. Thus, your going to counseling is far from irrelevant. Your first responsibility is to maintain your own well being; then to help others.
Good luck, sweetheart.