don’t know what to do

so I started cutting about.. maybe six months ago. I have only managed to go so deep because if my parent find out then off goes my head.. I actually started when my parents divorced about a year and a half ago but it really wasn’t that bad because all they did was split up and didn’t talk. but now dealing with school and which parent gets to keep who, they have put me and my little brother in the middle of it. mostly me though because I am the older one. so that’s how I started cutting, by all the stress and anger they put on me. I know its just a typical self-harm story but the way that my dads talks about my mom behind her back.. I just can’t take it anymore! both of my parents are monsters! calling me mean names as they talk about the other parent like that as well! I found out that my mom reads my texts and my diary when I am out of the house. I actually confronted her about it and she said that she didn’t know what I was talking about. I swear if you peeled back her skin all you would see is a robot. because she has no feelings for anyone but herself. that’s why they divorced. I am soo scared that my mom will see my cuts and scars! that’s all I can think about at night. the only people that know is my boyfriend, my best guy friend  and my younger step sister. theres no meaning to life anymore but my grades just trying to pass 7th grade I guess. I don’t know what to do. I wish I could kill myself bu im scared of dying. please help!