Hi all, I’m 17 yrs old, I”m a senior in high school, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve just about given up. I don’t know what to do anymore. This has been the worst 5 months of my life. My grandma, who was one of the only people who made me feel like I was worth something, is gone. I’ve been dealing with eating disorders since I was in the 7th grade and it’s been progressively getting worse since about july. My health is deteriorating, and I just can’t focus on anything that used to be important to me anymore because all I think about is suicide. I’ve never attempted it. I’ve had suicidal thoughts before but never as much as I do now. I just want to be back to normal. I don’t want to get professional help. I just want it to stop. I don’t know if I just sound whiney right now or whatever but I’m just loosing control of everything and it’s freaking me out.
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Im going through depression as well, its life-long…i feel like so alone…..so detached..i dont belong here.. i need to die
how long have you had it?
As long as i can remember :/ always been alone. Drove people off……..never had the life i wanted…sitting here in my room i really am feeling like crying but i just cant feel anything
You’re overthinking things far too much, so of course you’re overwhelmed. You have not lost anything – permanently at least. Whatever “losses” have been accumulated can be restored and whatever relationships or deteriorated health can be reinstated, if not, that gives you a new slate to build upon in which you could create something even more remarkable than the former.
Why are you obsessed with suicide? What is at its roots? Is it your eating disorder? Self hatred? Nihility? Becoming aware of the roots of your problem is the first step towards relieving yourself of it. I’d love to hear more from you
I don’t know why I’ve been obsessed with it lately. I just keep having these episodes like the one I had when I made this post. They scare me. I always come so close to acting on my plans. I really just want it all to go away but I know that’s not going to happen.