I’m so sick and tired of bad things always happening to me. I had a terrible childhood, adolescence and now adulthood. Recently, my worst nightmare came true. I’ve been contemplating suicide again. I haven’t thought about it since I was 14 years old and now I regret not doing it then. I wish I could go back in time to when I was 10 years old, kill myself and frame my adoptive parents for murder. That’s what they deserve. But it’s too late now. I didn’t kill myself when I was 14 because I falsely believed that “it would get better”. I was wrong. It has only gotten worse. I could have had so many years of peace.
I had an epiphany yesterday about my suicide method. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before. It seems so obvious now. I’m still contemplating doing it but the only thing stopping me is the thought that my husband and dog would be devastated if I did it. I couldn’t bear losing them. If there is any justice in this world, if whatever is out there wants to do me one tiny favour and have something good happen in my life, it would grant me death before my husband and dog.
I feel like things will get worse again soon. Have I lived this life too many times? Is that why I always dream of the future and then it comes true? So many nightmares. I wish this world would just end. There are too many evil, greedy people in it. Death would be a welcome release.