i always feel like its just me against the world. Ive always been the kindof person with a sort of protective bubble or shield around me that no one can penetrate i kno my little bubble isnt ideal n wont help me feel any less lonely but it keeps me safe it makes me feel like i can handle things it gives me the confidence to be able to do things and kno that i will withstand the pressures of others. I also focus almost exclusively on myself making sure that when all is said n done that i achieve what i set out to achieve that my decisions were not affected by the social pressures n stupidity of others that the opinions of others were null n that i do what i set out to do no mattter what shit people were thinking about me. For me the only opinions that matter and carry any weight are those of a boss, coworker, teacher, friends. In my mind if your not my friend ur opinion does not carry any weight in my personal life, as such that my life would continue as planned with or without u. If u are neither my boss, coworker or my teacher/ which is basically just a boss for school then u have no meaning to my career and ur opinion is meaningless. People seem to think that i am lonely which 50% i am lonely but the other 50% of the time i feel glad that i am alone. I feel somewhat at odds with myself cant really decide whether i should reach out to people n let my guard down or stay shielded in my little personal bubble. Ive been hurt alot more than helped by the letting people in, so experience wise it does not seem like a good idea to let people in but the human nature in me seems so tempted to just try to connect with someone. People sometimes think that not much can be achieved alone but i know theyre wrong. Ive gotten almost straight As, one of my professors think im brilliant and people have on occasion even said that they would not be surprised if they saw me as a millionaire one day. Im working on getting to medschool right now and im really confident that i could actually get in. I feel like ive accomplished so much even with my protective bubble yet i wonder if lonely accomplishments are worth sacrificing relationships n even being able to connect to people.
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurvivePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors
1 comment
You’ve established these rules, I’m guessing because you’ve had some bad experiences in the past and don’t want to be vulnerable again. It’s never going to be perfect but you’ve got to do what’s best. Nobody is immune from suffering. I find that when you apply these filters it’s usually because there’s something else under the surface.