Need encouragement for suicide.

I am writing to seek help committing suicide.
I have a very black-and-white personality. Either all or nothing.
Either good or bad. Either something is or it is not. There is no
middle ground. By itself this is not such a bad thing, but I also have
had on-off depression since 2nd grade (I’m now in 9th) which has been
constant in the past few weeks. I see everything as pathetic and
everyone as awful. If it is fair to say that for most, good and bad is
like a scale, hoping the good outweighs the bad, for me it is like a
drop of bad dye in a glass of good water: it takes very little bad to
contaminant all good.
Which brings me to my second point: I see no worth in individuals. We
are each one person in over seven billion. Seven billion! That is a
number we cannot begin to comprehend. And each of us are only one in
this mix. To better explain this, let’s say you had someone who was
completely broke; they didn’t have a penny to their name. If you came
up to this person, them having no idea who you are, and gave them
$100, I feel it would be safe to say that the $100 may feel like a
million. However, to an actual millionaire? That money is nothing. Now
instead of a few million to a hundred, make the comparison over seven
billion to one. That is the worth of you, me, or anyone alive. Which
poses the question: why is suicide such a bad thing? Each one of us is
far too outnumbered to make a difference, thus leaving each of us as a
waste of space, food, and other valuable resources. For the most part,
this article sums up my view on suicide:
http://www.italki.com/entry/93498
You must know I cannot be helped. I’ve sought all kinds of help:
parents, friends, teachers, religious teachers, even a professional
(who was the one who diagnosed me with depression). Nobody helps
because all they do at most is give coping methods. Really? Coping?
Say you had a virus on your computer. Would you just try to ignore the
problem? Would you accept the fact that your computer is basically
broken? Would you waste hundreds of dollars on a new one, even with
your old files potentially locked away? No! You fix it! You eliminate
the problem! Why should life be any different? I shouldn’t let
constant problems happen, I should eliminate them! And medication, you
say? I’m (apparently genetically) diseased with CMT. It’s different
for everybody, but here’s mine: the cartilage between the skin and
nerves is there to stop the nervous system from overreacting. However,
it’s overproduced in my skin, strangling the nerves and making
responses delayed, or sometimes, not responsive at all. Thanks to
constant study and trial-and-error from my grandfather, I know that
most antidepressants would severely worsen my CMT. A few months ago,
my mother gave my doctor a list of antidepressants (written by my
grandfather) which had little to no effect on my CMT and asked him to
see which would be best. We still haven’t heard back from him.
So in short, I want encouragement to commit suicide. I’ve nearly jumped
to my death before, but chickened out. I’m sick of living every moment
in misery and want to prove that my pathetic existence is worth
nothing. So please, take some time to come up with something that can
push me over the edge…literally.