It’s ironic – how I can be so completely devoid of caring or giving a fuck about anything at all yet all the shit in the world disturbs and bothers me. I don’t want to care. I don’t want to hear or see or feel; no smells, no pin pricks no searing, burning from the barren bones in my spine grinding against one another. I don’t want to feel what I feel when I imagine the only one that ever touched me giving all of herself to a pedophile.
FUCK
Everything is wrong. Evil triumphs over good. Evil is rewarded. Good is swatted away like the stench of a dead rotting animal.
I want to tie a long rope around a tree and the other end around my neck and get in a car and drive away. But I can’t leave some nasty mess behind for others to deal with – why do I care when I don’t care? How do I make everything just stop?
Another day – I cannot do this anymore.
Doesn’t God, or the Reaper or anyone hear me? Stop forcing life down my throat.
It tastes like shit.
2 comments
You may be a very sensitive person, like I am. I wish I could just be apathetic and not give a fuck about anything other than myself. I really do. Selfish as it sounds, I’m getting to the point where I wish I could just be like that. It would save me a lot of unnecessary trouble, and it would probably allow me to create a much better life for myself, seeing as how people who are entirely self-centered and driven to “succeed” tend to make it the furthest in this world.
But I just can’t make myself be like that. It’s not in my nature. I care about animals and other people, and can’t stand to see someone other than myself suffering. Perhaps because I’ve been through so much pain in my life it is much easier for me to empathize with the pain of others.
I despise the ways of the world as well, but “it is what it is” (using that as much as I hate that saying lol) and it’s not going to change. And the more that I learn about it, the less inclined I am to continue on living in it.
Which explains my presence on this website…..
Nozmoking, either you are no zmoking or nozmo king or noz moking. Hmm. Pretty cool name actually.
Well life doesn’t actually stop. Actually nothing ever stops. I think it’s the best joke in here. I think there are no gods, reapers, none of that. Just us humans.
Sometimes caring hurts like hell. People twist you around like they have nothing else to do. Like it’s all they do. But sometimes it’s so rewarding when someone smiles at you or helps you, says hello, presents you something, like anything. It feels good too.
Much of world is evil, I agree, but don’t hang yourself. Just that tiny percent of the goodness is worth sticking around. Most of us are suffering here. I haven’t met person without some kind of big problem in their lives.
And you’ll find someone who will love you and care for you. Just stick around. Don’t list things why you should stop. In stead make a list, right now, of all the things that make you happy or what reasons why you can’t give up. And I don’t mean write some idiotic sentences and cry after that. But something good.