I think some people think after they die people will scream and cry and have so much sympathy for them and finally understand what they went through…that all their former or current friends will have so much guilt about it and loathe themselves….that the president of the united states will personally attend their funeral to pay his respects….that celebrities will come from afar to attend your funeral….well….I have some news for you….nobody will give a shit like you think they will….
Sure people might show up at your funeral crying and saying “how they wished they could have helped” and “how they loved you so much” but….lets think about this for a second….are they saying that because that’s how they really feel or is it just a nice sentiment to express at a funeral because it is appropriate?…. Sure your parents will cry and feel bad for a while but do you think in a year they will not be able to function normally? Do you think the loss of a son or daughter has never been experienced before and is the worse possible thing to ever happen to a parent? Do you really think your death will alter the opinions and perspectives of those who knew you? If they thought suicide was for cowards and the weak…Do you really think your death will change their opinion? Guess what you will be considered in their eyes? yup a coward and a weakling… Do you think people will respect your memory and not gossip about you? Nope you’ll be talked about like a dog for maybe a month or two after the funeral….People will NOT pull punches… “he killed himself over THAT!? lol” …”I always knew he was a weak guy” …”what a *****”…”life isn’t for the weak”… “how could he do that to his family!? he’s pathetic” …you can expect a variety of these types of comments from people.
The truth of the matter is…you are just another human that will die regardless but no matter which path you take to death it is a path with footprints on it already…meaning somebody has died the way you will before you do…Stop romanticizing death and worrying about what people will say after you are dead…that’s tantamount to a real estate agent worrying about the market value of a house that has burned down…like it doesn’t matter at all….for soon not only will the people who remember you die but unless you did something worthy of being noted in the history books then your memory will die with them…whether that memory is good or bad…
As for the people who romanticize death..let me tell you what is going to happen after you commit suicide…first your body will be found by another human…they will call the police who will then determine the cause of death…once they determine it is suicide …the police will not cry or have sympathy for you…in fact I guarantee many of them will be thinking along the lines of “what a waste” or “what a loser” or probably even “Dammit I’m missing the football game for this bullshit“…then they will put your nice little rotting corpse into a body bag and it will be shipped off to have an autopsy done on it to confirm you died by suicide…once that is done…your body will either be claimed by your family for burial or left as unclaimed in which you will be buried in a tawdry paupers grave in a  wooden box, paid for by the taxpayers, with a number on it to identify it. If your parents do claim it then they will either cremate you or bury you whatever they choose… Maybe people will come…Maybe people won’t…. The fact of the matter is it does not matter whether a billion people show up or its a ghost town…for those of you worried about popularity after you die….you need to get your head out your ass….About 6 months -2 years after you die…people will rarely talk about you….and by “people” I mean your family…your friends will move on…they will find new friends….and 20 years from now they might be doing something and then they might think of you and go “man what was that guys name that committed suicide 20 years ago” AKA they will forget about you and move the fuck on. As will everyone who ever knew you.
Don’t be fooled…quit romanticizing your death as something special and unique…the fact is you will die… you will rot… you will be forgotten about… the end…
69 comments
I think you underestimate the way people can feel about each other. Some people never forget or let go.
Oh PainNLife, you’re such an optimist.
I’ve always had this feeling that people are all inherently selfish. It is like when someone dies, they are crying about themselves, not because they actually miss you, but because they care more about what effect you had on their lives. To put it in another way, imagine that you are chocolate. People consume the chocolate to bring satisfaction into their lives. When the chocolate is gone, they don’t actually miss the chocolate’s presence, but they really miss the effect that was taking place in their bodies and minds when they consumed the chocolate.
Am I the only one that thinks this way? I see humans as just a bunch of fluids and solids moving around. I feel that we really don’t control our lives, but that the universe controls us. Does anybody have any idea of what this belief is called?
@rojas Maybe…Maybe not….but I have known people who have had family members commit suicide and they are the happiest people around…more often than not people will grieve the death and get over it and get back to living life…of course some people will not take it so well but more often then not they will be fine….
My point wasn’t to undermine peoples feelings about loved ones its to tell people how it will go down after they die…nobody is going to hold them in higher esteem or build a shrine for them….
@DN95: I somewhat agree with you for the most part…the only parts I disagree with is how you used selfish and the thing about the universe controlling us…it isn’t the universe but a group of powerful men who dictate how society operates and thus how you think about things….
Selfish isn’t necessarily worrying about how you feel…but it is worrying ONLY about how you feel and only taking into consideration what you stand to get out of whatever….
You’d be surprised at the lengths some people go to when they lose a loved one. Some do literally build shrines.
You don’t actually know how that person feels. To lose a child or significant other to suicide must be horrendous, but it doesn’t mean they’re going to publicly display the way they actually feel. Why would they? People don’t like downers.
Ha ha. Don’t t think your post really applies to me. I don’t expect anybody to give a shit, except maybe a few people. My best friend will probably be hurt the most, but he is well aware that I am suicidal so it will be no shock to him. We have actually had tons of conversations about it by now.
My cousin’s father committed suicide when she was 9 years old. Now, she’s all grown up, has a college degree, and is engaged to a guy she was in a long distance relationship with for almost six years. She seems well-adjusted, happy, and successful. Look at me on the other hand. I didn’t experience any such personal trauma, but I’m a total mess. I guess it all comes down to what they call ‘mental illness’ (and physical health). She was fine, but I’m not. Her mother seemed like a bit of a wreck, though.
P.S. I hope that none of my family members see this. They’ll be able to guess who I am.
@persephone: I don’t think they are that cunning lol
@Rojas: I know there are exceptions to the generalization I’m just telling you how it will go for the bulk of us
I think you’re wrong. Maybe they’ll stop talking about it so much, maybe some will call you names or whatever, but usually, if you have parents/people who let you live with them and provide for you or keep you company, they’ll care. They won’t forget. They’ll function as they’re expected to again, but the death with stay with them.
I just mean, if she comes on here or something she’d probably be like, wait… Oh well. I haven’t spoken with her personally for over a decade, so what does it matter.
it depends on your importance on that man’s/womans life.but if you are nobody(none important) for anyone,then ofcourse nobody will care about you.i even suspect that; their will be peoples on your funeral.so……. summarizing things like that is in appropriate,as their are 7 billion different people’s on earth.
I’ve been reading a blog from this woman who’s son committed suicide. It’s been a couple of years and she still posts about it.
@rojas: but thats death period….that is not solely due to a suicide….your getting it confused as if I am saying that the death is irrelevant I’m not saying that I’m saying that the fact that it is suicide does not make it exceptional …it is still a death and people will grieve it and get over it ….20 years from now people will not be grieving your death if you died today its just unreasonable to expect that…hell not even in 5 years except MAYBE in a few instances but that is not the rule
@DOM: ….thats 1 blog….I mean these are anomalies dude….not everyone is going to do that and it shouldn’t be expected or romanticized like that is what is going to happen because 9.9/10 it won’t
@joinel: I think regardless they will eventually get over it….nobody is going to mourn a death after 20, 30 , 40 years…they may care and grieve for the moment but as time passes they won’t think of you as much
At least 50% of people have loving families. That’s a conservative estimate.
@DOM: …I’m more inclined to say 20% or at the most 35%…
No. I mean suicide. Suicide doesn’t make it exceptional, but it does make it different to “natural” death. People will deal with it differently because it is different. That person chose to take their own life, that’s different to dying of disease.
In 20 years time, I think some people will still grieve a person’s death. No matter what kind of death it is.
Don’t judge everyone else by your own standards.
@rojas:….thats where you are confused…you cannot take your own life…people may deal with it differently because of the societal stigma attached to it so it would be more of a feeling of embarrassment and shame to them but that doesn’t mean they will grieve for an extended amount of time… it is only different from disease in minuscule ways …the end result is still the same….disease kills babies and toddlers …yet people grieve those deaths and get over them and one could argue that those deaths are indeed sadder than a grown adult that commits suicide…
@DOM: ummm everyone judges by their own standards even in a court of law people still judge you based on their standards…what are you talking about lol?
well, most people on this site have fairly decent families who care about them. Just because you don’t care about anyone or you have no one who cares about you, doesn’t mean they don’t.
does it matter, they care about you or not after you die anyways ?once you die,you are gone forever;whether it is to none existence or to the other life.you will never care about this one,in any possibllity.
No. You can take your own life. People will deal with it differently because they might feel responsible or guilty. And that probably will make them grieve for longer because of the added factor of guilt.
It’s very different to physical disease because you can see that more often than not. You can’t always see it with depression or whatever you want to kill yourself because of.
End result is the same, when you’re dead, you’re dead. I don’t think people ever really stop grieving a death of a loved one. It’s always in the back of your head.
@DOM: Dude I never said they didn’t….I’m just giving people the raw truth about what will happen after death….people don’t want to believe they will get over because they care about you but they will
A lot of people have underling problems that they cant identify and no one really knows about. They think its natural or being human. This weakness or perhaps it’s not a weakness that prevents them moving on. Generally, life does go on but if you are somebodies world then your death might not be surmountable.
@Rojas…Again you cannot take your own life…Like its annoying that I have to explain why you can’t again on this site… but do me a favor…tell me if you can steal from yourself? oh you can’t? why? because it already belongs to you! therefore you can’t take something from yourself that is yours in the first place….you can give it up but you can’t “take” it …to “take” something is implying that you didn’t possess it to begin with!
I could say the same for someone who dies in a car accident…you might feel guilty and responsible because you weren’t there to help them or because you weren’t with them…like suicide has nothing spectacular about it except the fact that you relinquished your life that’s it…anything else can be applied to other deaths as well
Ummm no not always…SIDS kills babies and no symptoms are displayed and there are several diseases that have no outward symptoms….
People do get over it….My grandfather died and I got over it after a certain amount of time…I cried and accepted the reality of death…I didn’t hold onto it for 10 years…and even Percy told you about her cousin who from all appearances seems to have gotten over the fact that her father committed suicide…it is possible to get over a death
@DOM: Dude how many soldiers have died violently in war and how many children and adults have been kidnapped tortured and raped? I’m sure if people can get over that? then they can get over suicide which isn’t half as bad as some of the ways people die
I’ve thought this same exact thing before.
An estimated 69 billion to 110 billion human beings have been born, lived, and died since the dawn of time. (Estimates vary because opinions differ on when humans first came into existence. Plus, it’s impossible to say how many civilizations lived and died without leaving any records behind).
All those people who were born, lived an unremarkable life, then died, leaving no vestige of their existence, now permanently forgotten. Someday you and I will be exactly the same as them, as insignificant as a shadow cast yesterday.
@joinel: yeah thats kind of my point it doesn’t really matter either way but still you have some folks who are trapped in the delusion that they are more important than they really are…yes some people will care but they will recover and move on they will not grieve for decades
Like Rojas said, the families live as expected but they don’t forget. There might not be a day when they aren’t reminded of the loss.
@C4: Exactly and if you haven’t done anything worth being noted in the history books for then we will be the same as the forgotten people
@DOM: I’m not saying your family will completely forget but it will not hinder them or make them unable to live life…they will smile….they will laugh…they will enjoy life without you ….
Fine. Would it be better for you if I said – you can off yourself?
That’s an accident, not the same. The people around “dead person”, had time to “help” dp. Dp offed himself because he couldn’t handle it, which causes guilt.
Ummm yes – ” because you can see that more often than not.” Read it again.
“From all appearances.” You/Persephone don’t know what she feels because you are not her. If you aren’t especially close, then sure, it’s possible to get over a death. But when you are close, then no, it’s not likely to happen.
I hope so
Yeah, I mean, I don’t know how my cousin feels. I’m sure it was traumatising, but yet she seems to have gone on with her life.
Sometimes people want to kill themselves so that someone else might suffer, like an ex. This is ridiculous because there is a reason they are their ex in the first place. If they don’t want you back, move on. Your death isn’t going to affect them much.
@Rojas: yes because thats the only way to say it that makes sense…and My point was that there are a multitude of diseases that are deadly that show no symptoms whatsoever until right before it is about to kill you….
Again it matters not how close you were people will get over you….your death will not be insurmountable….people will grieve and move on….like I said before in my aforementioned comment if people can get over loved ones being butchered in the worse way in war and violent crimes then they can certainly get over suicide…
Its not exactly the same but I never said it was I’m saying that you can still get the same feelings of guilt that you would from suicide….you’re trying to say it like ONLY a suicide would give someone those feelings
@persephone: “Sometimes people want to kill themselves so that someone else might suffer, like an ex. This is ridiculous because there is a reason they are their ex in the first place. If they don’t want you back, move on. Your death isn’t going to affect them much.” <— this
it is implied in the post but I totally agree with the point you added….people seem to think revenge killing themselves will somehow cripple their target when its largely futile
That’s still different. You’re CHOOSING to die, that person didn’t.
How do you know that people fully get over it? You are not in their heads.
That’s not what I’m trying to say at all. Maybe I should’ve been more vague, but of course you can get guilt in other situations, you’re just more likely to feel it in the case of suicide.
We’re not going to agree. You will be forgotten and so will I.
Humans beings are an emotional species. Feelings don’t adhere to the laws of reason or logic.
I’ve often thought it’s pointless trying to explain something to someone who’s emotions block them from understanding a contradictory point of view.
@rojas: “Its not exactly the same but I never said it was” …seems you didn’t grasp that sentence but anyhow AGAIN I’m saying saying all but indeed most will get over it….and maybe you are more likely to feel it in the case of suicide but any death that could have been prevented you will feel guilt…it is not restricted to suicide thats my point…
There is no other way to distinguish suicide other than the person gave up their life otherwise it is indistinguishable from other deaths
We don’t have to agree I’m just giving you the reality for what it is
@C4: I’m just going by what I observe nothing more nothing less…People think that just because it is a suicide that people won’t be able to move on when you have children being brutally murdered and raped and kidnapped yet those parents found a way to bounce back…thats all I’m saying…if they can get over the loss of an innocent child that was lost in that manner then why can’t an adult get over the loss of another adult that voluntarily left?
No. You’re “giving” me the “reality” you perceive.
@rojas: No I’m giving you the reality that is…nothing I said is false and can be verified by simply doing some research…
@PainNlife; I wasn’t accusing you of doing anything wrong, that comment wasn’t directed towards anyone in particular. I was making an observation based on how I process “reality”.
The point is, nobody is going to forget a death of somebody close to them. Suicide will probably bring more feelings of guilt, yes, because people may think, “If only I tried to reach out more, be there for this person.” However, if someone like me committed suicide, nobody in my real-life existence would be surprised nor would they feel much pity, because they all know I’ve been floundering for so long. It would be expected, really. Anyway, there’s nobody who cares around here (except for maybe my siblings) as I have no RL friends, so I’m not a good example.
@Persephone: I know close family members won’t completely forget but they will move on and smile laugh and enjoy life…they will not stay in a funk for the remainder of their life…especially if they are one of “those” types
Death affects everyone differently. My dad died in 2002, I never shed a single tear for him. I went to the funeral and thought “He’s dead, it happens to everyone”, but I felt no sadness whatsoever.
A friend I had known since I was eight years old died a few years ago. I talked to him maybe 5 times a week for the last couple of years that he was alive. I felt no sadness for him either, he was probably my best friend at the time he passed.
I don’t understand why people get so emotional over an inevitable event that will happen to all of us. Maybe I need to take a sensitivity course or something. I just don’t get it.
I have a feeling I wouldn’t be sad at my fathers passing either (if I’m still alive to see it). When my grandfather passed away I felt nothing. I wondered if I should and I felt weird about telling people because they would probably expect that I would be grieving over it, but I wasn’t.
However, I never met Roger Ebert, yet I shed a few tears upon his passing last spring and still miss him today. I read his Twitter and his film reviews, and somehow I felt a connection with him even though we did not speak personally. *sigh* That man was a brilliant critic.
I’m not looking to make a statement with my death (other than that this world is an awful and undesirable place). I don’t care if one million people or one person comes to my funeral, its all the same to me. I’ve always been the type to fly solo and stick with only close friends.
Persephone I felt nothing when my grandfather died either. I got a picture of him in his casket looked at it, tried to even make myself be sad…nothing. He was good to me as far as grandfathers go. But you can’t force love and tears. It’s either there or its not.
When an aqauintence died of suicide I almost felt compelled to send a card to the family. But I didn’t because to be honest I just didn’t care one way or the other about the guy. He got what he wanted, that was all the feeling I had about the situation. It would have been insincere, maybe flattery, to send a greif card when I did not have greif.
this makes me feel a lot less guilty about killing myself
Death doesn’t stop the world you cant build your life around someone’s death. But you are so wrong I lost my sister when I was 11 years old and I didn’t just “move on” I wasn’t all happy a year later, do you understand the concept of love? To have a part of yourself die with that person? To lay in their bed knowing they aren’t coming back through that door? It’s been eight years and every time I was through the door of my room I miss her, every time someone asks i how many sibling I have and I still say 10 my heart hurts, losing someone you love isn’t some type of joke, for such a smart person you are very blind to death and the reality of it.
@People_do_care: Its amazing how with a generalization which applies to most people fittingly….you’ll still have people come here and exclaim “NO NOT ALL YOU’RE WRONG!” as if because they are the “glitch” or anomaly that its now somehow is invalid and now no longer applies since a small portion of people aren’t in the generalization….I know there will be small groups to the contrary of any accurate generalization… if you are one of them fine….but lets not pretend everybody has such a hard time dealing with death….like I said before people cry they weep they feel bad then guess what? they get over it….
And like I said your wrong
You’re
@People_do_care: Okay thats your opinion no need to keep saying it but I guarantee you when you die your family will cry…they will feel bad….they might even feel bad for a while….but come one….are you going to sit there and tell me they won’t laugh again? are you going to tell me that because you are dead they will NEVER enjoy life again? Do you seriously think overcoming your death is insurmountable? Do you REALLY think it will devastate them to the point where they just go insane and give up on life and become homeless? Well sorry to be so blunt but….they won’t….they will bury you and then begin the healing process….and they will heal….
Narrow I see, If I died I would want for my family to do exactly that, to smile again and to learn to laugh again like I said you can’t build your life around someone’s death they are gone and there is nothing anyone can do about it, we can’t bring them back to life, and if we let their death hang over our heads our whole life’s there would never be a healing process, I know plenty of people who have killed themselves over people who have died in their life’s, they really moved on didn’t they? But hey we all have different opinions
@People_do_care: Again, those are anomalies….you’ll rarely find somebody who killed themselves over the death of another person and I’m sorry but in my opinion that is a completely stupid reason to end your life….because someone else died….like what did that solve? nothing….Did that person not know death will come to us all? Did they not know that everyday you wake up death is going around doing its job? Like people who kill themselves because someone else died may have had other underlying issues that were just strengthened by the pain of the loss…I doubt…I highly doubt a person who was “happy” and “normal” before someone died will go kill themselves over somebody dying…thats just another way of people romanticizing their deaths as if somebody will do that for them…well 9.9/10….they won’t
Hypocrisy much? Who are you to say their reason is stupid? I’ll stop here because I deal with enough narrow people in real life, if you choose to think like that good luck to you.
@People_do_care: OMG how is that hypocrisy!? PLEASE explain that!?….You’re killing yourself over something that happens to us all naturally!! and you don’t think thats at least a little on the stupid side!? well if its not then everyone should kill themselves when a loved one dies since in your opinion thats a smart and noble thing to do….
My whole point is that your death will not be as dramatic as you think…it will not prevent people from living their life …yet you have people who think that it will
Everyone is someone. Nothing seems to stop anyone from thinking my opinions are “stupid” or “wrong,” or somehow “misguided” or “unacceptable.”
Who is anyone to tell me i’m not allowed to think something is stupid, if that’s what i honestly think? Everyone is someone. You can tell me i’m not allowed to think what i think, or say what i will say, or do what i will do, but i will do so anyway, even if it upsets you.
People love to get all taken-aback, act like someone else doesn’t “have the right” to criticize or disapprove, or voice concerns… but everyone has that right, even if they say something you dislike.
This is part of what Pain is getting at: people will talk shit about the person who suicides, whether you think they “have the right” or not.
Some people might not “get over it,” but many will. Probably most. Anomalies are not how we establish precedence. They are, instead, the exceptions. (deja vu!)
Did you not just post about people in competition of who problems are worse? What makes you think theirs are any less then yours? Anyways like I said above its your opinion and clevername I literally just said its his opinion, when you post on here you’re clearly posting for a reason right? If you don’t hear others opinions what your reason for leaving the comments on?
I’m not saying he can’t think that, I’m stating my opinion and in my opinion I think he couldn’t be more wrong.
@People_do_care: Do me a favor…go reread the 1st paragraph of that post…obviously you omitted a key sentence in it…but you know what? I’ll repost it here to save you the trouble:
“You’ll see many people judge others and criticize them about the reason they want to kill themselves and nothing is inherently wrong with this because sometimes we do need a different POV to maybe think about things differently”
Oh and:
“Yes you should tell people if they have a “stupid†reason for suicide if thats your opinion and explicate don’t just say it”
So please explain to me where the hypocrisy is?
Well… then why post at all, if you’re not going to allow any direct responses?
I don’t think everyone posts “to get responses,” but some do, and others just leave it enabled by default, to allow comments, because they’re not so worried about avoiding them. Disabling comments is for people concerned about avoiding them. By default, there is no need to think about whether comments are enabled, unless you Don’t want them. If you don’t have a preference, then there’s no need to disable them.
I would say my “reason for posting” is probably too abstract to explain. Maybe i’m just here because there’s nowhere else for me to be. Sure, other places exist… but i don’t think any of those other places will be right for me (not that this place is “right for me” either). I’m already here. I might as well keep saying things… even if some people don’t like it.
I usually leave my comments on because i don’t mind if someone wants to say something; i’m not necessarily looking for anyone to say anything, i’m just leaving the option open. I think that’s better… because i really have no need to act to remove that option from anyone. If they have something to say, they can say it. And if i want to respond, i can. I don’t need “a reason to leave the comments open.” It’s that way by default, and i don’t have a reason to disable them. One less action, one less thing to think about.
To suggest anyone “needs a reason to leave comments open,” is like saying someone needs a reason to not believe in god. I need a reason TO believe any god, but not to Not believe. I already have plenty of reasons not to believe. I never had to look far for any of them. They’re all very natural. By default, i see no reason to click a box to make myself believe in a fantasy god or an afterlife. It doesn’t exist. I don’t have to worry about it, unless i decide i need to believe in it, at which point i suppose i would want to click the “make sure no one can comment” button, to ensure i can continue preventing myself from seeing all of the reasons others might show me, to indicate that i am wrong.
So i guess it comes down to whether or not we can accept, and are prepared to accept, that we can be wrong, and to allow others to point it out, when it occurs, so that we can leverage the perspectives of others, in order to fix our own problems. If you block comments, no one can tell you that you’re wrong, or explain why. If you disable incoming information, you can’t receive it. You can go on believing whatever you want, uninterrupted by truths others might otherwise point out.
And that’s your opinion, If I don’t agree with him then why keep myself in the conversation. When I heard him out and I didn’t think it was useful so then I just didn’t care. You know what I mean?
Yeah… but it did kinda seem that you were both basically trading “nuh uh!” and “yeah huh!”
I think a lot of misunderstandings happen around here… it’s kinda hard to interact with anyone anywhere, without misunderstandings.
Plus, it’s pretty rare that two people ever agree about absolutely everything. I wonder what that would be like?