…or the best, depending on how you look at it. The humans who work here are as sterile, apathetic and sickening as the bleached walls. It’s funny, nature documentaries talk about how animals adapt the appearance of their surroundings as some sort of camouflage. Believe it.
Not even talking about myself, I can’t believe how many sorry saps are in here begging and pleading for help, and all they get are cold, apathetic sneers from the staff. “Stop whining or we’ll really make you suffer” is what their tyrannical stares say.
I’m sure there are a thousand ways to die in the hospital. Just looking around my room I’ve come up with 9 ways to do it. If I do, I’ll choose the most visually disturbing way, something that will leave a god awful mess for them to clean up and give them something to complain about on their smoke break. It’s just be my vain & final experiment to see if anyone gives a shit about anything more than the tv at the nurse’s station. It’s currently blasting something that sounds like the Home Shopping Network. I can theoretocally slice my neck open with this needle that somebody stupidly left right beside me, bleed for 20 minutes, have a few final convulsions, knock over the IV and die before their show is over.
These are the “elite” of society. These are the “caregivers”, the most valuable professionals, according to what society pays them. Doctors and lawyers. Two of the highest paid professions. Does it mean they are better than us? Does it mean they are more talented, smarter or more spiritually evolved? No. It just means that they, like kidnappers and armed gunmen, attach themselves to desperate situations and prey upon the desperate.
A friend who was studying to be a surgeon once told me  about a patient who was killed by the doctor’s negligence. Doc shoved a routine cathoder up the wrong artery and bled the patient dry in minutes. They told the dead man’s  wife and kids that it was sudden heart failure, end of story.
And I’m sure the doctor, nurses and all the hospital accomplices scrubbed it out of their minds just like these doctors and nurses will scrub my blood off the walls & bleach me off the floors, and then they’ll go back to watching their Home Shopping Network and buy a cute pair of earrings.
the human race truly deserves itself. And we, the ones who are disgusted by it, deserve to die. Well I’m in the right place to do it. With any luck this will be the last of me.
2 comments
Dear Stain,
I think you are right about becoming your surroundings. Put yourself in their shoes. I am sure the majority of them took those jobs with ideas to help those desperately in need. Then after year upon year of trying with little gains seen. Their self preservation kicks in and keeps the staff from becoming connected because they themselves are now just on their breaking point. To witness one more death of someone they put forth emotion and effort into could very well vivre their own trigger point.
To top it off then they screw up death of a patient is a real possibility. This may be two of the reasons that suicide rates in health care professionals is very high.
Oh do I know those stares… but I will never blame them for that. Their passion in life is saving lives and to them, you are taking up a bed that should rightfully be taken up by someone who really needs it. That is not to say that you don’t also deserve medical care…depression is just as much a disease as any other. It’s just hard for them to watch someone undo what they are trying to preserve…
Morbid thoughts are part and parcel of depression, so I don’t blame you yours either…but not all are in it just for the mighty dollar. There are those who truely cares and it is usually them that look at suicide cases with the harshest of judgement…because they care…
I have had a couple of doozies in terms of misdiagnosis though…I went undiagnosed/misdiagnosed/left to my pain for the better part of my life and there is much that could have been different had they known then what they know now. These things happen… Take for example air-travel…how often does suitcases get misplaced/lost etc… it seems shockingly high but in reality, it’s but one percent of baggage that moves through airports through out the world. It’s the same with misdiagnosis… It seems like shocking statistics but if you really think about it in the end, out of millions and millions saved, a few hundred that fall through the craks, is an achievement…especially for creatures as fallable and proned to mistakes such as the human race…
I’d rather expect mistakes and have people keep on trying than expect perfection and have everyone not try because they are afraid of failure…