Everyday I wake up, hoping, today is going to show me something to live for. I feel like it’s groundhog day. Heh. Tuesday, after Tuesday, after Tuesday. Everyday, I wake up with hope, it’s the only thing that get’s me out of bed. Every night, I go to sleep, dead inside with tear stained eyes; because I live a life without love. My sister, always turning a cold shoulder. My mother, working as hard as she can to feed us and keep a roof over our heads, no time for me. My friend/the renter, going through emotional troubles herself and everyone always asks her for help with their problems, can’t bother her.
My childhood friend, her mom has cancer- and I want to talk to her about my suicidal thoughts? I don’t think so.
Random people on the internet, I’m just a sad story to them. They’ve heard it all before, why should I be different.
Hey, what about a boyfriend? Last boyfriend I had cheated on me about 7 months ago and then sent an apology email because of a bet, he said he won $5. Good for him.
What about dating now? Any…ANY other girl would be better for any guy than me.
Oh yeah and I’m completely unschooled. I’m so far behind schooling I’d probably get the IQ test result of a 5th grader.
I just linger. I stay here because I’m too much of a ***** to just do it. I take up space, I’m like an endless pit. Always taking, never giving. What can I give though? I’m too broken and a slight sociopath to offer emotional support, too useless to get a job, too introverted to be a good friend. I’ve heard all the pep talks out there and none of them work. I just think, maybe I was meant to commit suicide. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was a toddler. That’s gotta say something. One shouldn’t spend their life contemplating the best way to die.
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6 comments
I feel exactly like you but for a whole bunch of different reason starting with my wife who I loved, supported and educated. Now she has screwed my life up so much that I do not even think it is worth living any more.
Any other girl would be better for a guy than you? I hardly think so…that’s a pretty drastic thing to say. Trust me, some guys prefer a girl with problems. One society might consider a “failure”. It’s attractive for some, believe it or not. People with issues are always more interesting. Your last boyfriend sounds like a dick btw, please don’t judge anything based on him. Too useless to get a job, you’re not alone in that. I quit my first job after just 3 weeks. Just walked out one day, much to my dad’s disappointment of course. Sometimes I feel like I’m too lazy for life. There’s just, idk, no inspiration it seems. As for school, personally I don’t base intelligence on academics, but on common sense and a certain ability to…understand the world, if that makes sense. They don’t teach you that in school. Hey, I’m a dropout and I like to think of myself as a relatively smart guy. I don’t know you but based on the way you write you don’t seem that dumb to me. There’s probably nothing me or any random person on the internet could say to stop you if you’re dead set on suicide, but I would be happy to talk if you wanted.
Hey, i love you. Do you love yourself as you are? Start with that and let life gives what it gives.
I do not love myself as I am and have no reason to, life gives me sadness, life gives me heartbreak, life gives me love then it takes it away.
You’d be surprised by the people who will care if you give them the chance. I care. I don’t know you, but I care. When I see people going through the same crap as I am, I feel for them and hope I can say or do something, if even just a tiny thing. I don’t wish on anybody what is going on inside me. So yes, I care. A lot. We’re not born with an ingrained guide to good self-esteem and it sucks.
We base our self worth upon what is shown to us as being worthy. If everyone was worthy in the same way, well we’d be screwed. As a society we don’t need everyone to have a PhD and to be astrophysicists and geniuses. We need all kinds of diverse people with their own set of skills to be able to survive. I’ve been through so many jobs until I found something I was passionate about.
I tried hanging myself for the first time when I was 8 and I still have a tiny bit of hope for myself. I hope you can find the same inside you.
I’m generically depressed and have been since birth. My mom is as work too most days, but when she’s home, I’m rarely talked to amongst my other brothers, I’m what you would call the outlaw of the family. Sad but true. I too have had hope, but for years have come up short. I’m a grade 9 drop out due to other mental issues, and I should be in grade 11 right now. I’m antisocial, I have low self esteem and confidence, and thus making it hard to find friends that’ll stick around when they get to know me, if they even stay around for that long and also when they see my cuts, and no one where I live wants to hire a guy like me. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for years, and have been hearing voices for longer, maybe I’m ment to commit suicide too but here I stand.
All I’m saying, is you’re not alone, we’re not just random people on the internet… Okay maybe, but that doesn’t mean we don’t care. If you need to share… Share, and maybe you shouldn’t go for the little boys who leave you for 5 dollars, you’re still young like I am, and maybe you’ll find the right someone, someday.
I still have hope, I hope you do too.