I’ve been acting for my entire life, and I’m getting tired of it. However, every time I try to stop, people immediately begin criticising me and start comparing me to other, better people. I’m not useless. I’m a bad example. I used to be the person that everyone wanted me to be, but now I don’t know. I don’t know whether or not I should live. I don’t know whether or not anything is worth living for. I don’t know whether or not this is a bad dream and I’ll wake up soon. But mainly, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to face this. I don’t know if I want to either. It just seems that everything has lost its meaning, and everyday is a struggle. I don’t care about my wellbeing anymore. I just want to die, and it wouldn’t hurt anyone because nobody cares. My parents have told me that they wished I was never born repeatedly, and I don’t have any close friends. My family hates me because I’m not perfect like everybody else, and I know that they would throw a party if I died. I kind of want to hang on to life just to not give them that pleasure. I know it’s cruel, but they have made my life hell, comparing me to everyone else, and telling me that I was the biggest disappointment of the entire dynasty. I don’t care about school or anything anymore. It just seems so freaking pointless. I don’t know…
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3 comments
I feel Exactly the same way, my dad doesn’t care about me and was mad when he found out I tried to kill myself and he was hitting me and blames me and no one really believed me. I have 1 friend but she doesn’t go to the same school as me and I sometimes feel like she doesn’t care about me either.I’m talking to 2 counselors (they know I’m kinda suicidal) but don’t understand me AT ALL either.I HATE school (I have one F,two Ds,three Cs and one B ) I’m only interested in Art and History.It’s like I don’t even exist to the people at school and no one really cares but my “counselors” seem to think that I have a lot to live for.
Sounds to me that compared to other parents, yours suck. I know it hurts when your parents are down on you, but you have to let them and their cruelty go. Give yourself a chance to be who you are, and be ok with who you are and it starts by cutting out that kind of negativity. Sounds like you are still in school and not old enough to be on your own, so try to look at things differently and block them out, and try to build a support system. Find things and people that make you feel good about yourself and plan for your future, the one YOU want, not the one other people want for you.
just stay strong I no its not easy but u have to