I’ve always been what kids at school call a “loner”. (And I never had a problem with it until people started acting like it was something to be ashamed of. I actually enjoyed my solitude before that because that was just me…..anyways this isn’t a post to talk about why I hate being a “loner”(still hate the way people say it lol), I’m just trying to understand something. I’m 17 years old and I’m currently in my junior year of high school. So here’s the thing; I’ve spent all my years of school being this lonely guy who didn’t really interact much with all the other kids but recently I’ve been finding myself making friends and talking to people. And I’m just so confused, its like I’m not even me anymore and I like this change but there’s a part of me that feels like this shouldn’t be me. I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve friends. It’s as if I’m chained to my old ways. And I’m not sure what’s wrong but is change supposed to feel this way? Is it supposed to feel like the change is not for me even though I like it? —-February 17, 2014
Update
10/22/2017 1:05am
Actually this post is partially wrong. I had friends up until 5th grade. Things got bad when the domestic violence & abuse resumed and lasted until my junior year of high school leaving no room for peace or logical sense of mind. I was searching for friends yet being very cautious about it, thus not fully opening up to anybody and failing to make any friends. I typed this post after my transition to Mesquite high school. There was only one thing i made sense about in this post….i really didn’t deserve any friends with the negative frequencies that were emitting from me. In simple terms; I wasn’t fully healed yet, it was impossible to make any real friends at the time. It wasn’t my time yet. I was still traumatized and confused and thats okay because I’m healthier today 🙂
3 comments
im the exact opposite. i used to be very sociable and now im a ‘loner’. i actually like it a lot better. idk, being with myself is just so damn peacuful its crazy. change is good in all aspects! dont stress it, just as long as you’re content with yourself
Change is normally weird, if only a little bit. Sometimes it’s really weird. If you’re accustomed to living a certain way, you’re bound to feel a little tension and anxiety when how you live starts to branch out in new directions. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it may take some time to adjust to.
Change is frightening because it’s stepping out of our comfort zone into a situation which is foreign or unknown. In your case, it’s a major part your self definition that’s changing. I believe that everyone deserves a friend. If we don’t evolve in life, we don’t become better versions of ourselves and mutate to become what we aspire to. Relish this weird feeling, it doesn’t happen all too often, it’s called broadening your horizons and feeling the ambivalence of leaving what you know to experience something new. Yes, change can be good, but you have to know you deserve it. Give yourself a chance and cherish the moment. It’s something special, in my opinion.