what would it look like if I committed suicide tonight. I’m not even sure how I would do it. I don’t have a gun, which is the safe bet. That doesn’t leave a lot of choices – drugs, cutting, not sure what else. and to complicate matters, I have a dog. What would she think? What would she do? I’m not expected to be anywhere until about 9 AM on Tuesday (it’s 8:34 PM on Saturday night) so she would be alone for a long time. How long would it take for people to search for me? Would I have to leave food out for Olive, my dog, so she wouldn’t have to snack on me? I don’t know how long it would take for her to get so hungry that she would need to do that. Would anyone miss me? If I’m even thinking about doing this, my gut tells me that I wouldn’t really be missed. Maybe initially people might be shocked, surprised, sad. But give it a few weeks, a month, a year, what would they think. Would I be a lesson or just something that passed through their lives?
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Ask yourself how would your suicide look.
Think of who may find you and ask what they would think.
You will be missed. Im sure there are people who care.
I am sure your best friend Olive will miss you. Dogs are overly loyal.
She will know your dead. She will stop living too.
It sounds profound but its not; even though you might not have anyone you do one have friend who is there. One friend who will be with you their entire life no questions asked. Who loves you unconditionally and probably misses you everyday you walk out that door. The same one who wags their tail when you walk in and loves you like you have been gone a life time. The one friend who always wants to be by your side.
Your bestfriend Olive.
Its hard. Life is hard. You may think people dont care or you have no one but there are people here for you. I will be here. I want to help and liesten.
Please take care. Please give yourself some time.
Do it for Olive. Spend the day with your best friend tomorrow.
I hope this helps a little.
I wrote letters to about 15 people. not really letters, but notes trying to either explain why or to make sure they don’t blame themselves because this was my choice and there is nothing they could say or do to make it better or different. still thinking about it. not sure where i will be in the morning. sad that only one person has responded to this. thanks for responding.
hkh, I have felt the same way thinking that If i died that no body would care. I mean I’ve felt alone all through my life thinking to myself that I wasnt good enough and feeling like i deserved it, but the reality is I knew I didn’t. Life is a ***** but I guess a part of me doesn’t want to give up on life, cause deep down even with feeling alone and worthless i know that there is a brighter life waiting for me. I’m not sure when I’ll get there but I know we can both find that sense of life we all want. So before you do anything, know that there are other people willing to help and listen to you.
Please take care and give yourself some time, and know I’m just a reply away…
HKH, I could have written your post myself. I contemplate the same things- even for hours just tonight. seeking a reason to remain here. Wondering if my pets would be okay. would they be cared for? how should I go about this? where should I go about this? I know Olive would miss you terribly. Koji is right. My dogs help me to carry on. I wonder if I am still here because they give me some purpose. I just want you to know you are not alone in what you feel. Also, I care and I am here to talk anytime. Never hesitate to reach out.
yellowbirdsinging@gmail.com