Hey there. She has a boyfriend, which initially really hurt. I freaked out in class. But now that I think of it, that’s great. I want her to be happy. It’s a good thing that she has a boyfriend, so she can enjoy her life. I want that. And at the same time, that’s my signal that I don’t matter all that much to her. I don’t have a place in anyone’s heart, and that’s okay. I’m going to wait until this weekend, when my family is out shopping or something, and then I’ll grab a few dozen metres of extension cord, run to a nearby lake, and end it all next to it. It’ll be peaceful. I can’t wait.
Thank you everyone on here for trying to help. I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you. This is my premature goodbye, the real end will either be Saturday or Sunday. Thank you all once more.
34 comments
You really want this girl to have all that power over you? You really want to die for someone who blatantly doesn’t give a shit whether you do it or not? I think you need to grow a pair man, I’m serious. If you’re hung up this much on just ONE girl, then you’ve honestly not lived long enough.
Source?
I had the same experience. Yeah, I loved her and would die for her, and almost did. But I had this epiphany that “hey, I can be happy without her!” And sure thing, she did her thing and I’m still doing mine. Don’t let her play with your feels man. I fuckin’ hate people fuckin’ with my feels, and you should too. You sound young? *reads first post* Holy shit, son! You’d be 12-13? Oh boy…you don’t know what you’d be missing out on. You know what? Don’t do it, you’re a spring chicken and there are so many more boxes you’ll get to smash in life. Think of her as the first of many, and you’ll develop a another strong relationship with another girl in the near future. Like @rprp98 said, just have hope.
Oh, pardon my “French” as well.
Good for you. Im going to wait till she is engaged. Always a chance right? Until i found out today she blocked me on facebook so yeah in thinking car in the garage when my roommates are both out
You should live a bit more… i think you might fall for someone else eventually, and even have stronger feelings for that person that you do now, i don’t want to be a hypocrite because in part i’m here because i can’t get over someone (she’s happy and with someone and living her life while i’m just… watching life pass before my eyes), but i’ve at least lived a lot more to say, if it ends now, i had some pretty happy moments and lived for a while… don’t throw away that posibility, you still have plenty of things to live and look forward to.
Consider this….
I married a truly filthy whore who cheated on me nonstop for 7+ years, gave me an STD twice, couldn’t care less if I was dead, and did it all without me knowing.
The bictch is gone. I was depressed at the time to end it, and tried, but now I am over it and realize what a blessing it is to be rid of a whore.
Now I have better.
Dont end it coz you lose a female. Most are crap to begin with. You will need time to find a good one, but they are out there.
Stick around. Trust me, been through hell and back and its still not over, yet I am here.
You can do it. If I can, you can.
If you were unaware of her giving you an STD twice, was it like, “The gonorrhea hath been immaculately conceived upon my genitals! And lo, forth also hath come chlamydia!”
Y’all realise the OP is a 12 year old (as in a minor) right? I think we may have just destroyed his childhood and ruined the defloration process for him.
Eep, did not pick up on that and now I kinda wish I hadn’t posted that last comment. I really wish it were possible to remove your own comments from other people’s posts. 😛
“defloration process” that line was priceless
I had it, didnt know it was that. I know I hadnt slept with another, so honestly didnt expect to have an STD as I thought my wife wasn’t cheating. The symptoms matched Cla. and I had taken meds for it. I thought it was a UTI, but now with the research I did, know it was due to her.
MrBaD: I hope you know I was just poking fun – I don’t mean anything by it. I actually had a similar “Doh!” sort of experience with an ex girlfriend who lived with me and a friend of mine in Florida. ***** dun cheated on me with the guy we were living with for a number of months, all the while I was completely oblivious to the signs that should have been slapping me in the face. O.o Can’t trust no bitches, no sir. Can’t trust no bastards, neither.
Haha, it’s okay. I went through the ‘defloration process’ as you so elegantly put it, years ago.
~
Yes, I absolutely realise that I’m very young compared to the vast majority of users on here, many of which are over 18 years old and have their own flat and such, but honestly, I’m an emotionally fucked up kid. It’s quite pathetic, really. I have an entire plan that I’m waiting patiently to commit to, and yes, I am only thirteen years old. I realise that if I let this girl go, whom I still love however stupid that may be, but if I’m feeling like this over one girl at this age, it’s going to be infinitesimally worse when I am an adult with my own flat and life. May as well end it now. I know I sound like a fool, but it makes perfect sense in my mind. Please understand.
Mind you, I do not fall in love often. Of course, I’m a red blooded male, I may think a woman is beautiful, sexy, or anything in between, but I almost never fall flat on my face for a woman.
wow
such mature
very insight
live your life
~
Well, sir, I think you know exactly how to handle this sitch. Give yourself some space to think and room to breathe, time will carry on for’d and so should you. You appear to have read the fine print on life in general, but have yet to make the mistakes that let you really “experience” it. So why not take that chance and live a little, yeah?
I must commend you on your maturity, outstanding.
Alas, in some cases maturity cannot help me.
She knows that I’m suicidal, and now she knows that I have it all planned out, and she wants to spend as much time with me as possible now, for my last week. She thinks I don’t know about her boyfriend, but honestly, I was living in a shattered dream. I still am. She shouldn’t have to tell me about a boy. That’s her life…and yet it still hurts. It’s deplorable, really. But now I know she cares. I don’t know what to do now. Of course, I’m still heavily leaning on the decision to commit suicide, but now there’s doubt. I don’t know. Ugh.
@DAlex: i relate hugely to what you wrote, specially the “I realise that if I let this girl go, whom I still love however stupid that may be, but if I’m feeling like this over one girl at this age, it’s going to be infinitesimally worse when I am an adult with my own flat and life.” … that sounds exactly like me, and at the point i’m at now… been at that point before too… and trust me, you do have lots of things to experience yet… i’m 31, and even if i’m broken inside and planning to end it too, i think it was well worth it for some experiences i had along the years… i’m not telling you what to do or what to think, just giving you the opinion of an older guy who relates to your situation 🙂
@DAlex: From your syntactical and lexical abilities, I had assumed you were much older (at least 20+/-). I’m with Rare Echelon on commending your maturity, and your presence of mind.
Now, let me just say one thing; every encounter, failed relationship, social faux pas, and disappointment will someday be a way for you to understand yourself better, a way to know what to look for in a partner, and a way to identify warning signs of impending trouble. It might feel terminal right now, like you’ll never meet someone like her again, but you will. Maybe not exactly like her, but someone who will make you feel the good things she made you feel before things broke down.
I’m really getting tired of having my comments caught in the spamfilter. I mean, c’mon, I didn’t even post a link!
@DAlex
You had me sold until the word “doubt” came into play. With that one word, you have just grasped onto that oh-so miniscule slither of hope, which you can make and establish your entire life upon.
So she wants to talk with you sometime? Good…good… This may give you the opportunity to gain closure with her because you sound like an honourable gentleman and I’m sure she’ll understand you if you put everything out in the open, who knows what may become of you meeting with her?
Hell man, your English…tis immaculate for one of your age. I do applaud thee.
Keief is the man. Take everything he says on board.
Aw, c’mon, kid. I remember feeling heartbroken over some moron when I was 13, because he preferred my prettier and more vivacious best friend to me, but guess what? I realized he was immature and that I didn’t like him that much anyway (he was athletic, and good-looking with his blond hair and blue eyes, that was about it). I got over it, grew up, and experienced my share of unhappy love affairs. 🙂 (Ok, there were some good times too.) You feel sad now, but don’t worry, you’ll meet someone else soon enough. Love doesn’t have to be the be-all end-all. Psh. Be independent. It’s fine to allow a romantic interest to enhance your life, but don’t make them your REASON to live. That’s putting far too much responsibility on one person, don’t you think? Very easy to be hurt this way.
I couldn’t agree more with Beatrix.
Let the woman be “the road to”, not “El Dorado.” Entiende, mi amigo?
@Rare Echelon Thank you, in elementary I was a bookworm, I was actually very lonely and decided to bury my nose in books for a few years.
Yes, I like to consider myself honourable, but it’d be way too much to leave her behind. I can’t do that, even though it’s clear that would be best for the safety of me, and to an extent, her. But she is far too important to me for it to be fathomable to actually part ways with her.
@keief If I’m going to grow older and develop even stronger feelings for some woman, is that really actually a good thing? I wouldn’t say so. If this is simply the beginning, the rest of like is going to be hell. I’m a hopeless romantic.
@Requiem for Beatrix Sadly, she’s already become my reason to love. I, of course, understand that having a single person as my only lifeline to the crashing plane we call life is dangerous, unhealthy, and risky, but it’s too late. She’s the reason I’m ready to die, and the reason i’m still here.
@DAlex What you need to do is try to make some new friends. Have other people to talk to besides this girl. Maybe you’ll develop a crush on someone else who can reciprocate, and perhaps you can keep your friendship with your current crush, once she is no longer the object of your desire. (Although, in my experience this is difficult.) Right now, maybe you should try not hanging out with her so often, and focus on other interests.
@DAlex: and now i relate even more… lol, i was a lonely guy and a bookworm myself when i was your age, always used to think about that one true love and i got crushed each time things failed… most of the times i was just rejected, i’ve had few relationships but i’ve been in love in all of them… can count them with the fingers of one hand and i’d still have a couple of fingers left.
What i meant by you should live a little more is that you still have other things to experience which have nothing to do with love, which can be anything depending on your interests and what you do with life. Funnily, if i look back, some of my happiest moments are with friends, or acomplishing things by myself (i do have some of those happy moments with exes tho). The other thing is that you really don’t know if you’ll find someone after her that makes you feel even more love and maybe she will stick around with you.
I do have to add, it’s a bit difficult to believe that at your age you would meet the love of your life and spend the rest of your life with her… trust me, i always wanted that and… there just a few lucky ones who get that.
@Requiem for Beatrix I have plenty of other people to talk to, and I do so almost daily. I focus quite hard on swimming, as I have practice every day for two and a half hours. As I stated before, it’s very hard for me to fall in love, but when I do, I fall hard. So, at least from my point of view, my solutions have all been exhausted.
@keief I suppose I am too young to understand. At the moment, I don’t see very much in the future. Actually, I’m still only expecting to live for the rest of this week, but hypothetically, if I live past high school, I don’t see anything at all after that. You could say that I don’t have a great grasp over what I’m going to do with my life, and I suppose that would be true. But from what I can see, there IS no person I’m going to spend my days with, no career, nothing. But I suppose I’m simple too young to see that far into the future.
@DAlex
I know that feel bro *brohug*
I’d actually get certificates for camping the library and taking inventory of their shelves. The other kids were eeirly quiet whenever I walked up to get my awards and stuff.
You need not part ways with said bonny lass, rather, she may forever hold a place in your heart as “the one that got away but is still immensely happy because I think she sorta kinda maybe ruined my life and omg I’m not over her!” but you’ll still move on regardless, such is the circle of life. So…have a bit of manpower, slap on your knicker-bockers of Win, and live your life. Thar’ be plenty of booty worth the plundering, just don’t feed the mermaids.
Did I just go full pirate?
*self-flagellates*
@Rare Echelon Haha, honestly, I appreciate what you’re doing. It would be a lie to say I’m better, but I appreciate your wise words. Just for now, I’ve seen a few grams of hope. As I said, by no means have my plans been fully turned around, but perhaps I can get through this. Of course, I highly doubt that I can, but maybe I’ll survive. Once again, thank you very much for your help.
*brohug*
@DAlex: You’re too young to see what’s in your future, and I’m too young to see what I’m going to have for dinner tomorrow, much less where I’ll be next month. It’s impossible to predict what might or might not come to pass unless you trek forward and find out. It might be better or worse, or a combination of both at times, but it’s not something that can be estimated or understood for what it is until it happens.
@drase15 I wouldn’t recommend leaving your car running in your garage as an exit. It would take a while to pass out, from prior researching it’ll hurt terribly while you’re inhaling the fumes, and if it doesn’t work there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be afflicted with brain damage, and nobody wants to be a vegetable. Don’t do it, man. I don’t know your situation, your story, or why you’re suicidal, but please realise that life moves on. Of course, I am a hypocrite and I cannot take my own advice, but you can get through it. I don’t know you in the slightest, but I can almost guarantee it will get better, however cliche and annoying that phrase is.
@lorax We’ll just have to wait and see, I suppose. As I said, I’m not entirely sure I’m going to make it through this week, but time will tell. I don’t know anything that’s going to happen.
@DAlex I understand what you mean; I may sound cavalier, but I have always been a hopeless romantic too. Dealing with rejection and failure is always difficult, but one learns to deal with it over time, I suppose.
However, I think of every significant experience in life, whether good or bad, as being part of a learning process that assists in one’s personal journey towards self-actualization. You know that phrase, “All good things come to an end?” I think that’s bullshit. Picture your life as being an exciting novel filled with many chapters. When one chapter has ended, turn the page, and don’t be afraid to create new memories and embark on new adventures – like Lorax says, the future will always be largely unpredictable.
@DAlex: If you do decide to stay and see where your life will lead you, it probably won’t be as hard as you think, but it won’t be as easy as it might seem when you see other people doing the same things. Life is strange, but it’s really given some spice by the very things that you might think make it intolerable while you’re experiencing them.
OP, when I was young and fell in love with a girl, I thought I’d never find nor date a girl more beautiful and every year as I grew older, I found a better one.
Of course you hit a point, where it’s not so much the girls but yourself-you get older, get less fit and attractive and the hot girls are no longer interested…so you have to get them when you have something to offer also.
But everything you’re fantasizing about this girl is all in your head. I fell in love with this girl when I was in grade 6, but then she was flirting with a friend right in front of me and I started to dislike her with a passion.
Then a year later I got over her and realized she was really quite ordinary looking-she was popular and fun, that’s what attracted me initially. It’s funny this same girl tried to friend me on Facebook recently, I just blocked her.
A girl is not really worth ending your life over…if you only could’ve seen the stunning goddesses I’ve let slip through my fingers-knowing you’ll never have anything that hot again, then I could understand maybe. That’s somewhat my situation. I’m hoping to find 7 and 8s (out of 10), don’t expect to land a 9 or a 10 now…but I’ve been surprised before.
Forgot to add, my point was no girl is worth killing yourself over. Grow a little-you have a lot of maturing to do if you’re as young as you claim to be.
If you’re decent looking then you’ll probably find a much better girl than the one you’re obsessed over now. Plus she has a bf-so your odds are even lower at getting her.
Just forget about her completely and find someone else to crush over. Hit 18 first, then decide if life is worth living or not.
“…no girl is worth killing yourself over.”
This can mean the opposite of what i think you meant.