Ugh, why couldn’t I just die properly Saturday? Seriously, I attempt to overdose on pills and wake up on a hospital bed under suicide watch, this fucking blows. I don’t want to be here, I want to be dead. I might as well be dead, it’s not like I’ve got anything or anyone to live for. No family, no friends, no dreams, nothing.
Isn’t that pathetic? Being a 16 year old lonely high school dropout living off a trust fund, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, I guess it’s almost like I’m my worst enemy. Oh well, that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
4 comments
I know how you feel, I overdosed or try to so many times but here today I’m still alive. If you need someone to talk to I’m here for you. You can email me or something if you like
A lot of us are our own enemy. Well, if we’re not our worst enemy, we are sure our first enemy. Why? Maybe we weren’t the primary cause of bringing ourselves down, but we are the primary cause of KEEPING ourselves down. I believe if you open yourself to the world, there will always be a friend waiting. Maybe it will be next week, or next year. Or the next minute.
If you believe there’s a reason for everything, then you have an answer to your question ‘why am I still alive?’. Maybe you don’t understand the reason yet. But – hey – there is one there.
You said you don’t have dreams. Dreams don’t come to you. You have to dream yourself. Then you have to act on them. At least one to start. The hardest part is getting the will to do this. You’re not alone on that part for sure, that is my own personal struggle and I’m sure many others.
Being sixteen is a fact. Being pathetic is NOT a fact. You’re not pathetic. It took knowledge to get this far. The magical thing is . . . you can use that same knowledge to go even further!
Best of luck 🙂
“…but we are the primary cause of KEEPING ourselves down.”
I disagree; maybe You are Your primary cause of keeping Yourself down, but this is not the case for everyone, and does not make an admissible generalization; some of us are kept down by immutable conditions, which could only have been changed in an alternate timeline, where those events never occurred.
The past is static. If something happens that you can’t fix, then you can’t fix it, and that’s that. That’s not the person keeping themselves down, and it’s frankly a bit insulting and a bit more infuriating when people go around insisting on blaming the victim for their own problems. It’s like if i punched you in the fact so hard that your eye popped out… and then said “well if you don’t like it, stop keeping yourself down!” Sometimes other people make choices which negatively impact us in ways that cannot be corrected. That is reality. Sometimes we make mistakes we cannot undo. That is reality.
There are many “reasons” why what hasn’t killed us, hasn’t killed us. That doesn’t mean there is any divine purpose or protection, and it doesn’t logically follow, to assume and then proclaim such things. If something doesn’t kill you, it’s because it didn’t do enough damage to your life-sustaining mechanisms to cause them to cease; that’s all. Humans are pretty resilient. Lots of people survive things they thought they shouldn’t. I have to attribute that to insufficient understanding of physics and anatomy, rather than anything “more.”
pbsman,
I hate to tell you this but you’re not dead because you’re not ready to die, although you are thinking that, stop thinking about that! You got a trust fund! That’s good! Now go out and make some friends! By the way telling people you want to kill yourself isn’t a good way to make friends, it’s ok on here.