Bleh

I’m supposed to be sleeping but bleh. I hate these nights when all that goes through my head is how bad I am, that I am simply a waste of a human being. The people I would call my bestfriends based on others’ definition are people who I can’t vent out on. I can’t tell my family because they won’t even care. How I act is completely different from how I feel, appearing to be bubbly and weird in a funny way. I don’t know how they will see me in this state and how I will be treated. I like to think that I’m a really strong person but once I am alone, I just can’t. I guess the only place I can relieve some weight of my chest is through online since no one in real life would even care. I tried talking to a person that I thought I could share my thoughts and feelings (an bestfriend-ish) but he too doesn’t care and would rather that I just stop talking to him. I distract my troubled world by watching Korean dramas because it usually ends with a happy ending and I’d like to think that I can get to the happy ending in my life too. I also video games like League. Pretty lame I suppose but distraction is my cure so far. If anyone would like to talk about anything and everything, I’d be glad to do so.