I’ve never liked when someone asked me how i was feeling because it seems like no one understood that i didn’t have the answer to that question. People only see emotions as black or white and they don’t realize the grey area that is between. People get frustrated with me because i always answer ”i don’t know” to that question and they ask ”how can you not know what you’re feeling?” well i don’t get it either because sometimes i don’t just feel sad or happy. I can’t even tell them that i feel numb because they wouldn’t understand that either. ”How can you feel numb?” they always ask ”that isn’t a feeling” it is, to me it is.
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I know how you feel. You feel vacant and tortured like life is feelingless. You want to die because you can’t any emotion. The emotion that you manage to strum up is horrible. All you feel is shit. Your so board with life you feel like death is a wonderful escape from terror. I understand you. No one gets me either. I think that’s why I’m introverted. Type back to me silent survivor?
I understand that grey area.
I know how hard it I to articulate and narrate exactly how im feeling or express the lack of.
I’ve found that most people, when they ask, “how are you?” don’t really want to know. It’s just an automatic question or something to say like, “have a nice day”. I usually just give them what they want to hear. “I’m fine, and you?”
But, I hear what you’re saying silent survivor. Sometimes it’s not so easy to get in touch exactly with what’s going on inside. Sometimes it’s difficult to break through the numbness and maybe you’re scared because under the numbness is something too wild and crazy to want to tap into. If you pulled off that blanket of numbness to expose those deeper feelings you’re positive you’ll go insane.