How do you get over it? How do you come to gripes with the fact that no one wants to be with you?…how do you attract people..or expect them to ignore your scars? How do you ask someone to be your shoulder to cry on?
Do others cry like you and I? Do they sigh when passed by passersby? Or when the cool kids give an awkward eye?
I’m 20. I wonder if its too late for me to learn how to make friends.
Hello *echo, echo*
Is there anyone out there?…Anybody
20 comments
“How do you get over it?”
I don’t. Some claim to.
20 isn’t too late to learn and adjust.
Being lonely is not that bad, at least no one can hurt you. Forget about the cool kids or whatsoever, those are just worthless and vapid labels, trust me.
I hope you are find whatever gives you a small ray of sunlight in your life, Rain.
take this from someone older than you, the cool kids wind up later in life either being despised or miserable or both
Oh yeah, 20 is over the hill. Might as well pack it in.
But, 20 is a good age, a great age to recognize these little problems, become aware of what’s going on, why no one wants to be around you and take action to correct. If you don’t begin healing what ever this issue is you’ll be 60 saying the same thing. Or you could become a hermit..live in the woods…talk to yourself all day…like ME. Ugh…
being alone is fun 🙂
Any type of love is reciprocation, in order to be loved you must love others. Reach out to others, don’t wait for others to approach you first, as that is rare, which makes it an unreliable method of obtaining friends. Extending yourself out to others also gives you the power of choice, you can decide who you think would make a suitable friend, lover etc. and go from there. Take things slow, the first start of a relationship is a connection. A connection’s significance begins miniscule and slowly grows the more attention and effort you invest in it. A first connection can be something as basic as eye contact, mutual awareness of each other’s presence. The next step is approaching them. Greet them, introduce yourself, be casual and calm, it’s not likely the other person will bite. If they decide off the bat that you’re not compatible with them, that’s fine, move on to someone else, their declination is a reflection of them and not you. Maybe you will be the one that decides a friendship/relationship with them is impossible right away. Romantic relationships are best spawned out of friendships, so I suggest making a friend before flirting.
After you say hi etc. give them another way to contact you, it’s even better if you see each other regularly so you don’t need to do that method off the bat. Keep talking to them, start small talk but not obsessively or excessively. If they warm up to you and reciprocate your efforts you’ve overcome the first and biggest hurdle and the ball should keep rolling from there. Stay calm, don’t take anything personally, be casual, be chill, dawg. Be friendly with people, you might be surprised what happens 🙂
i don’t even know what the word love means — i’m not bullshitting
why is it illegal to pay someone to kill you ?
Why is it illegal to kill onesself? Have you ever heard of someone being charged with attempting and/or completing the act of suicide?
“Forever alone” is not a term I’d use with you. I reserve that for actual mouthbreathing, neckbearded gagglefucks.
I had a mate who is a Sapper in the Corps of Engineers. One of their catchphrases is the venerable “build a bridge and get over it”. Crossing a gap is the easy part, but finding something to bridge said gap is what brings the entire Battalion to a standstill. You shouldn’t have to ask for any of that; it’ll just happen. I’ve had completely random people cry on my shoulder, 40 minute conversations with strangers on the bus, connections I never thought possible.
We’re the same age, you and me. I have no idea of your past, somehow I feel it pales in comparison to my own, but know there is a way for’d for you. Give it time, refocus some of your energy towards it, and make an honest attempt; none of this half arsed “aw I tried but failed bcoz lonely” boo shit. Give it a go.
“Don’t hold back.”
“Why is it illegal to kill onesself? Have you ever heard of someone being charged with attempting and/or completing the act of suicide?”
Ok, fair point, but if you try and don’t succeed, you’re essentially a prisoner, all because other people don’t want you to go. Just because they’re assholes.
in order to be loved, you have to be what other people want. Whether you love them or not, is irrelevant. People love what they love, and it’s typically not based on whether the feeling is mutual.
If you are not what people want, they won’t love you. It’s that simple.
So take that notion, and look around at all the people who supposedly have “love.” Do you see any patterns? Do you see any typical features or characteristics that almost all of them possess, but you find lacking in yourself?
Chances are, there is something about you, whether your mannerisms or appearance, that “most people” don’t like. But on the other hand, “most people” are stupid, and like or dislike various things for ridiculous reasons, sometimes without even knowing what those reasons are.
All you can do is the best you can with what and who you are, and hope to encounter someone who appreciates that. And if you can’t, it’s probably not “your fault,” even if you are indeed being judged based on some part of you, or something you lack. Other people’s assessment and judgment criteria, are not yours to choose, and are not your fault. Most people just suck at judging appropriately.
I’m 30 and I really don’t even care enough to try meeting new people – for the most part, people seem annoying to me. Romance? Love? Bah, too much work. I’d rather spend my time disassembling a car transmission, then reassembling it, and I hate working on cars. At least they make sense.
open question:
how does one live with regrets ?
my regrets run so deep — in terms of the hurt that i caused to the only person in the world that i have truly loved, as well as to how that hurt has boomeranged and has done intense damage to myself, as well as to my inability to gather the strength to overcome my inner deficiencies which have prevented me from having a truly fulfilling life (i don’t mean only for myself, but in terms of what i could have done for others)
if only i could pay (it would be good money) to someone to put a bullet in my head
instead, i go on, in this pathetic robot-like way, pretending that each scrap of ephemeral happiness/satisfaction that i get, will lead to the golden horizon
i am
Because of facial deformity and brain damage I was cast out from society before even reaching the 4th grade. I knew as a child I would not ever have love. People refuse to love what is abnormal and deformed. I don’t cope with it, there is no way to cope with such a pain. Like Frankensteins monster I know that I am forever shut off from the world. Most people do not view me as being in the same species as they are in, and would not like me to get anywhere close to their “personal space.” In a very small way I am glad, as I see this word as being an evil thing and as undesirable to participate in. When I watch normal society and crowds of people interacting I find that there is nothing they are doing or talking about that I find compelling. I live in the only world available to me, an internal world of thoughts and dreams, poetry and art. To quote from a song I head, “I need a different world.”
If you are not massively disfigured or brain damaged, there will be vastly more opportunities for you to find love in this world.
i don’t know what the fuck i am: all i know is that i should be put down, like one of duke’s racehorses that breaks a leg
@rach
> I live in the only world available to me, an internal world of thoughts and dreams
yours is the world of the true artist
i can’t speak for your pain, nor would i ever dare to do…but apart from the human imperative of kindness, compassion,caring, and helping, which one would think is the raison d’etre for this site (albeit we seem to have recently experienced some rather horrific counterexamples)
all i can say, objectively, is that not only do you have the soul of an artist, you have the ability to be potentially a great one
I carry the scars and very mild disfigurement, I rely on my knowledge and confidence to get me through life, because if I relied on my looks, well I am low on the pole. The scars, they are just that, like dents in a car. It just adds a little character. As far as no one wants to be with you, don’t rush into that. Take time and verify that you both are with each other for the sane reasons. Use past results of relationships as a Corner stone to build off. Twenty is not too old. 80 is not too old to meet new people.
@ dude thank you that means a lot. Art is very important to me. If only I could create in reality the beautiful world I see in my dreams….well….we’d have no need for SP anymore we’d all be so marvelously happy
@ Rain I have to agree with the post above, that 20 is not old. I am almost 30, and 20, now seems so young. At 20 you are just barely beginning adult life. My brain didn’t even finish maturing until 25ish.
I appreciate all who took time to advise and comment..<3