Misinformation. Misinformation will raise your hopes and when you’re about to cash in those hopes and make them reality; bam. You search the internet better than you did the last time you wanted to commit suicide and, will you look at that, turns out suicide by pills isn’t as peaceful as you thought. Wait, wait… what? You won’t go to sleep and never wake up again? Hollywood misdirected you? How dare those movies make it seem so simple? Oh, what’s that? You might throw up violently? Your head will feel close to exploding? B-but—IT’LL FEEL LIKE YOU’RE LIVER’S BEING RIPPED OFF YOUR INSIDES AS IT’S SLOWLY FAILING?!
Dammit.
So now I’m looking into buying a helium tank (suicide kit’s way). It’s difficult for me to do so right now, but seeing that overdosing on pills seems way too much trouble… Helium it is. I mean, I’m partially certain I won’t be able to get my hands on one, but it’s always calmed me down when I found ways that seemed relatively painless. We’ll see?
(*Just to make things clear, the sarcastic tone is aimed towards myself because Boy. Was. I. Fucking. Wrong.)
5 comments
a 3ft pool has recently been added to my backyard. I just finished reading the wiki on drowning, which has never been one of my go-to options… but idk, maybe drowning is better than opening up my carotid. There’s also a rather large tree.
I’m pretty sure almost all exits are painful.
I would like to not feel it; i’ve already endured enough pain.
I’ve read somewhere that even though drowning sucks in the beginning, it feels peaceful towards the end, close to euphoric.
I dislike the part about the airway seizing shut, losing consciousness due to suffocation, then drowning after the airway opens back up while unconscious. Seems like it could take a while, and might include intermittent regaining of consciousness with violent thrashing and convulsing, fear and panic. Multiple minutes is a VERY long time in brain-emergency-mode time.
But yeah, fucking hollywood… i swear, TV and movies make people stupid and delusional, more than just about anything else. Then again, think of how mean and harsh everyone would be, if not for their fantastical delusions.
My two favorite options so far would be ******** or ********. Barring that, ijdk. Any other option is going to require lots of painkillers, or a total psychotic meltdown episode to initiate a spontaneous self-execution, regardless of pain. Really hoping to avoid that whole scenario.
I’m bummed out because I felt so clever that I thought if I crushed the pills, it’d be easier for me to down them, but I’ve read so many articles about liver failure and the painful party following that I feel like kicking a puppy. I don’t know how I’m supposed to buy the helium tank with my mother present because I’m not the balloon type.
And I think at my current state of mind, the total-psychotic-meltdown scenario is the one I’m heading to. I’m pretty sure if it gets a bit worse that it already is, I’ll jump off the balcony and it’s not even that high off the ground.
******** sounds ideal.
Haha I love this post! It’s so true. If only it were like the old James Bond movies… Many of the ways methods I first found to be “painless” turned out to have horrific consequences, like carbon monoxide poisoning which rarely works since modern cars have catalytic converters and the fuel runs out before the job’s done, leaving the person a vegetable in most cases. Drowning seems one of the worst ways to go because it feels like your insides are being ripped apart and gunshots… have you ever been on bestgore.com?! Bleeding out takes forever and most drug overdoses (unless they’re illegal or barbituates) just mess you up for days. I’ve ended up ruling out so many methods. Now I’m reduced to getting fucked up on alcohol, xanax, then injecting heroin and jumping from a 150ft+ building onto concrete. It’ll drastically slow my central nervous system so fingers crossed I won’t feel a thing but at the end of the day what does it matter because you have an eternity of unconsciousness once your dead. I think our energy gets recycled and eventually we turn into new lifeforms (if we’re buried our remains feed insects give them the energy to produce offspring that otherwise would not have existed), so we’ll be reborn and not even know it. The paradox of consciousness is weird.