im in the studio right now, and I’m having a break down. i can’t do this. i want to talk to him so badly. i can’t stop freaking out. i want to talk to him. i can’t. i want to graduate. i want my work to be great. i want a good life. i want him in my life forever, but not as friends. i want him to know how much i love him and care about him and how insane he is. all i want is to be with him, to graduate, and to get a job. i fucking sitting in the corner right now, away from my friends, so they can’t see I’m posting on here, they see I’m upset, but i just told them to give me a minute. i feel pathetic right now. i can’t concentrate, i literally reversed everything i was supposed to do for my prints, so now i have to rework everything and do everything in reverse. i really love and miss him but i can’t deal with everything. I’m not doing anything but working and trying as hard as i can. i am so miserable.
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The heart wants what it wants. It’s been confusing people for thousands of years.
Does he know how you feel (i.e., wanting him, even though he is insane, for the kong haul)? Are you afraid to tell him?
One of my more tormenting relationships was when I couldn’t express how I felt, but was willing to stay in the painful place, because I didn’t want to risk losing what little interaction I was getting. It was the formula for one of my most crazy-making times, and I don’t recommend it at all. You can’t move on until you know, and that means taking a risk.