After the best summer of my whole life I find myself back here for the first time in a couple of years. Kind of the only place I know to turn to when I really really really need people that understand to lend an ear…
Depressed lately… I just can’t be proud of myself anymore. I used to do really well at uni and now I’m in my final year I feel all the passion and spark I had for my major and my future has been snuffed out by the brutal machine they call the system. It just gets me down… I can study and advance by myself and I’m so bright and full of passion when it’s on my own time and my own terms… after 3+ years in the system I’ve been ground to a stump of apathy and alcoholism. I can’t think of anything worse. I feel trapped and just want to graduate and get on with the next phase of my life… and I just care less and less to the point of failing things which has now delayed my graduation. Dunno If I can even finish… scary thing is I used to drink once every two weeks with friends for fun… now I drink 2 ~ 3 times a week by myself to numb the stress. I thought it’s just an isolated thing but now it continues week after week and I finally realized I’m depressed and have become a borderline alcoholic… fuck. *sigh*…
Has anyone had the problem of turning to alcohol to escape and wound up in a scary/bad spot because of it? Kinda need some advice…
2 comments
Yes, but it was the combo. I’ve managed to create other train wrecks though.
Alcohol is a depressant, and for some (who can tolerate it) it can become addictive. Alcoholism is a disease.
My most longstanding friend, is an alcoholic. I seriously doubt you’ve done more damage than he did from ages 18-22. Aside from driving a car into a lagoon, and burning down his parent’s house, there was relational collateral damage as well.
He got sober, finished his degree, and has a secure job with a stable company. He’s also been something of a saint in his support of others.
It’s not like universities cause alcoholism, but they often create an environment where it is revealed. Give your brain a chance to heal, and you may have more perspective on the system, you may find your passion returning or re-emerging in a new direction.
Senioritis is pretty common.
But getting help is the first step in getting sober. It may help you get in touch with your essence and self-acceptance. I’m not saying it isn’t good to find satisfaction in your achievements, but there is a trap if you can only being ok with yourself with increasing accomplishments.
Most universities have a lot student support services. Do they have health services? An appointment with a doc may open the door to resources to help you detox. Maybe a room change can help.
Deal with this now, and your life will ascend. Postpone it, and you’ll find your few relationships will only be with alcoholics.
And if anyone asks about that poor quarter or semester, you can look them in the eye, and tell them that was your low point through which you became sober. You’d be surprised how many people will respect that.
Do it for yourself. You’re worth it.
You may actually not be an alcoholic, but it wouldn’t hurt to see how long you can go before you feel a strong desire for a drink. If you are drinking really regularly, you can be riding a depression roller coaster.
One year in y 20s, I went on vacation, and met these fun folks who drank a lot. A few days later, I was wondering why I felt so rotten, then the light went on. I was attempting to keep up with alcoholics.