Any advice or support is welcomed

I am in a pretty rough spot here. I’m only 16, but every aspect of my life I’m starting to hate. My family doesn’t hate me but it is apparent my parents don’t have a great opinion of me as I complain a lot. It’s understandable, they have problems too but I don’t know who to turn to. My mom has diabetes and I take care of her most of the time during the day. She lets her sugar level go very low and becomes incoherent sometimes. But she isn’t grateful for it and I pretty much hate her, for many more reasons than one. She’s a selfish person and perfectly able to take care of herself but is too lazy, and she constantly is nagging my dad about everything. He works from 9-6 and is really sick, doctors don’t know what it is. He has to come home and do more work from home, do the grocery shopping and cooking every night, and on the weekend he cleans. That’s right my mom does absolutely nothing. She also adds an over abundance of stuff to the grocery list. My dad doesn’t say no because she starts screaming and threatens to not eat if her sugar is low.

Now my problem personally is I’m very sick. My doctor thinks it’s an Irritable Bowel Disease. I’m also sick all of the time so my symptoms with my stomach are always bad. I’ve had two stomach bugs and strep this year alone. Whenever I get a stomach bug I’m in th hospital. I’ve really cut down on what I eat, I’m under 1000 calories a day and have lost a lot of weight. I cut a lot out of my diet. I only eat bread, rice, cereal (bland), yogurt, soup, and bananas. I only drink water. This probably out of everything going on depresses me the most. I used to eat whatever I want, even when I was stressed out and was fine, it calmed me down. I wasn’t heavy either, before this I was 5’7 and about 130-135 lbs. I’ve probably lost 10 pounds since this started in February. Now even the food I’m eating nauseates me and gives me bad pain. I’ve missed so much school I’ll be in summer school this year. I might not even be able to go by then though so I want to just drop out. I hate missing school because when I’m home I get exceedingly depressed, anxious, and violently angry. When I come back after a few days of being out everyone thinks I’m just too anxious to come in. I don’t want to go back for the rest of the year but my dad forces me some days. I also used to play basketball a lot but when this started now I usually can’t. I really loved playing, it calmed me down and I was pretty good, I used to play for hours a day and played for my school. Now I’m lucky if I can go 1 or 2 times a month.

The worst part of this whole thing is that I have a history of anxiety and depression. I’m prescribed Prozac and Abilify but I can’t take either of those because they worsen my stomach problems. I complain that I need to get back to a doctor to get tests but my parents just don’t seem to care enough anymore. I don’t blame them at all though. Another thing is my brother often gets much more care from my mom. This is a reason I’m starting to resent her. My brother is a healthy kid, and his grades are very good, close to a 5.0 gpa. My mom keeps him on schedule for homework and if he has a cold she immediately helps himto get better as fast as possible, she doesn’t care if I’m late for school or do any of my work because she knows my future isn’t going anywhere anyways. It’s not that I’m stupid, if I’m healthy I can make the honor roll. It’s just I can’t focus on work as of now obviously and even if I am healthy I usually don’t make the honor roll due to just not caring enough which is stupid. I’m sick as I’ve ever been for this long and she barely says a word to me about it. She’ll ask me how I’m feeling and that’s it. She’s just an awful person, she hates her mother in law too and talks badly of her a lot, when she’s 80 years old. Its ironic because they have very similar personalities, sort of nagging, inappropriate at times, and they put one kid on a pedastol compared to the other. My dad always was adored by his mom. His brother had some learning issues but he was still really a great person and his mother was always inconsiderate to his needs academically. He ended up passing away but he sorta keeps my head up. He had it so much worse than me but he was always happy and made the best of what he had. I’m just so much more of an irrational thinker and wouldn’t be able to do what he did.

Anyways, if you managed to read all of that, kudos. I’m in my bed typing this home from school again, and feeling like shit. I’m contemplating suicide but I don’t know how I would even go about it. Parents hid all knives due to prior threats when I was younger. Can’t hang myself because my ceiling isn’t high enough. I could jump off a cliff or something but I’d be too afraid. My ideal way of going is shooting myself in the head, and running to a different state before I did it so the cops would have less chance of finding the body. I wouldn’t want my family knowing I was dead. I’d write a suicide note saying I’m going to live with a girl or something. I’d pay off a guy to keep sending letters to tell them I’m okay. It would work but would cost so much money. I just miss my old life. I miss looking forward to things, not staring down the future like it was the barrel of a gun. Any help would be appreciated, thanks.