She says I never had it
This dark cloud above my head
Because the pills didn’t make it better
It’s all inside my head
Of course it’s in my head I say
Depression isn’t just chemical imbalance
It’s a mentality
A way of living
A way that’s mine forever
Just get over it
You’ve got nothing to be depressed about
Just think happy thoughts
And tell us if you’re going to hurt yourself
Your words hurt more than any blade
No razor on earth can amount to the pain
Your words have caused me
It’s not a simple scratch
There’s no pretending it’s not there
The drive to die by suicide is present everywhere
Just because the pills don’t work
And I’ve been “doing better”
Does not mean that I am cured
And the depression is gone forever
Every day is a fight to stay alive
To move, to walk, to talk
And when I say I’ve hand enough
It’s really not a bluff
I can’t do it I just can’t
It’s too much too fast too soon
I lack the energy to go around
And spend my life pleasing you
You say to come to you
When I’m feeling down
But you’re judging words and ignorant ways
Drive me out of town
I want nothing to do with you
I want to be left alone
I want control of my life now
That I’m an adult, soon to be on my own
But no, you scheme and plot
To make me into what I’m not
To push me so you can say
Look how perfect my son is today
The grades, the “clubs” the mandatory involvement
In all this shit I do not want to be any part of
I don’t care, I never have
About all your letters and certificates
I don’t care how bad I make you look
When I fail to meet your standards
I’m me, not you
You had your chance to raise me
So leave me the fuck alone
You’re the one that’s crazy
I am depressed, I need breaks
Every now and then
I can’t just keep burning the candle
Down to wicks at both ends
I’m not like everyone else
Who can function with a smile
I need time, breaks, understanding
And sympathy meanwhile,
You stand there judgingly
Asking for more and more
And I just can’t fucking give you
Anymore than I have
Let me sleep, let me be at peace With My own mind
Because it’s not just some bad thoughts and dreams
And laziness as you believe
It’s heartache it’s pain it’s inability to move
It’s hurt it’s struggle it’s war all day inside my solitude
I can’t go on living like I’m your simple little pawn
I need to be my own person
When I wake at dawn
Countless hours spent awake
And yet I cannot sleep
The voices scream inside my head
Every night they speak
And in the day my head remains in a catatonic state
I cannot do all these things you want
My sanity’s at stake
I’m miserable, I’m tired, I just want to stay asleep
For one day, just a single day
Out of every school week
But not, not my son, not in a million years you say
Defying my dying wish
Because I’m just a bum, some lazy scum
Too good to live that way
Let’s just see how your selfish ways
Impact my life tomorrow
And maybe one day you too will see
The endless pit of sorrow
You’re dead to me, your time has passed
You fucked it up for me
Because while my heart still beats and I still breath,
Your son I will not be