~ The reason we self-harm, is because we are not able to handle changes ~
This is a quote I wrote a few days ago. I was really thinking about a lot of things, when I came to the point I started to realize this. I’ll explain the quote. People self-harm for certain reasons, for example because they are depressed, sad, lonely or mad (but there are many more reasons). But where does this come from? It comes from changes we’re not able to deal with. Like you’re living your life, and you’re happy with that. But at a certain moment your house burns down, that a change in your situations, but you can’t deal with that change, so you’re going to bottle up emotions, but that’s also a change inside you and how you feel, and you can’t deal with that either, so you start to self-harm. And I think that you can do this with every reason you self-harm, that you can relate it to a change in your life. Please let me know how you think about my theory.
10 comments
engeltje ๐ฎ I litterally thought I’d never see you again ๐
Change is indeed one of the biggest reasons for depression I tend to find. and depression leads to all sorts of extremes like self harm :/
hou je sterk ^^
I’ve always liked the Dutch, and going by your first post you’re from the Netherlands and your name translates to รขโฌล(little) angel”; how nice is that ๐
An interesting theory you’ve brought to my attention, and I believe you are right, but there are also many more factors to consider and scenarios in which we need to look at as well. The way it panned out for me personally was that…it wasn’t that I couldn’t adapt to the changes happening, it’s that I was too susceptible to it. I let the changes dictate my course of action, and thus loss myself in the process. I was young, naive and did not have the resources to cope. Later on in life, self harm was a means to remind myself that I’m still not ‘better’ and that no matter how hard I tried, I’d still be damaged goods. I have taken to it in almost an entire year now and honestly I do not think I will ever self harm (in a physical sense) ever again. Whys that you ask?
Things may change, but we remain the same.
Anyway, thank you for sharing this, Engeltje. Have a lovely day ๐
@ravanys,
Do I know you?? O.o And are you dutch? Where are you from? (if I may ask) And yes, I’m back again, but don’t think for long, it’s going really worse the last time :/ But in one or another way I always come back to SP (it’s a miracle!)
@shephard,
Do you still remember that?!! Wow, that’s amazing! Do you read my posts??
And ofcourse there are always more factors, but I think the fact we can’t handle the change is the main factor ๐ You use so many difficult words!! I don’t even know them, but maybe it’s the fact I haven’t had any english lessons for 3 months, cause I quitted school (A) But I understand that you stopped with self-harm? That’s such a good thing! Wished that I could do that! Actually I don’t think my day is going to be lovely, but thanks, you too a lovely day! ๐
Nah, you probably don’t remember me xd but that’s normal I guess ๐ I remember you though ^^ I’m from Belgium ๐ Sorry if it seems a bit weird to call you out like that, but I was just happy to see a familiar name ^^
@Engeltje
Apologies for the big words, I often get lost whilst trying to write out a reply. Indeed, I remember you, your name is fairly unique, from when I used to lurk around here last year, I reread your first post and instantly remembered who you are. Why did you leave school? I believe you should try get some extra education anyway. Your English is outstanding nonetheless. I have no idea what time it may be in your country, but I hope things will be bearable for you going forward.
All the best ๐
@ravanys,
Belgium? I love Belgium!! But where do you know me from? Have you commented before on one of my posts? Oh man, thisis not good for my head, really trying to figure out how and what, otherwise it’ll become a chaos in my head. Hopefully you’ll respond.
@Shephard,
Apologies accepted ๐ And yes, my name is fairly unique, at least on this site. In the Netherlands it’s a common used word ๐ And I had to leave school, for the second year on a row because of my mental health. I can’t go outside, can’t read anymore cause all the words are moving, can’t concemtrate and more stuff. And this time also because of my autism, I got crazy when I was in a class with 32 children and the noise they made. Next schoolyear (starts in september) I want to go to school again, but then on a school for people with Autism, but it’s really hard to get on that school. I got my indication for that school, but the 4 schools in the area (all the schools with less then 2 hours traveling, and that’s only for one way) can’t or won’t accept me, because of all the shit the politics invent. So probably I wouldn’t have any school or education next year, and I have no certificates, so I can’t go study or work (only small jobs at the supermarket or so but that’s not possible with my autism or physical injuries). So it’s fucked up, I guess :/ Great future!!! (sarcasm)
And thanks for your compliment! Funny fact: I always get a 5 as mark for my English test (1 is lowest, 10 highest here in Netherlands), but that’s because they only focuss on learning words and grammar such as: write this sentence in the Past Simple. And I can’t do that, I just can’t connect the name of the time to the time itself, and they barely test on things such as writing, speaking, listening and reading. I hope you understand my whole story, because I really think I’m totally not clear at all :S
It isn’t because we aren’t able to handle changes, but because we can’t accept our current situation. Now, often times our current situation has changed in a way that we don’t accept, but some of us are actually suffering because things *don’t* change. In fact, change is a good thing. As long as things keep changing, eventually your situation may become acceptable. If you set expectations in your life that you can’t meet, then it is reasonable to assume that you could hate your life because things didn’t change. For some people, the lack of change can cause boredom, existential angst, etc.
@DeathFinalFrontier,
Thanks for sharing your opinion with me. Maybe you’re right, maybe we are both completely wrong, who knows. And I don’t think we’ll ever know. Actually I liked it that someone posted a comment with a other opinion, because it’s really inspirational.
You said that some of us are suffering because things don’t change. In my situation, and I think in some people too, the thing is that I am really depressed now, can’t go outside, can’t do a thing, my life is just miserable. But the fact is, I’m getting more depressed and all those things, when I work on my recovery. I’m getting so depressed because I’m pulled out of my comfortzone, which is the depressed life.
What I’m trying to say with this is, that even a positive change can work negative.
@Engeltje,
Your welcome! Sharing is the best way to learn something new!
Also, some of us have had fun dealing with depression for a long time, so we’ve got some experience with it. Depression always leaves you feeling unmotivated. Therapists will tell you to force yourself outside and doing things. The worst thing you can do is dwell on your negative thoughts; it creates a vicious cycle. Setting small, easily achievable goals also helps. What you want to do is distract yourself from what is making you miserable. Those are general tips though, and I don’t know what your specific situation is. Oh yeah, throw in the other usual disclaimers, too.
Good luck out there!
@DeathFinalFrontier,
Thanks, you too good luck ๐