I feel like I’m constantly lying to prevent anyone knowing how I really feel. I feel like a failure and don’t know how to start again. I wish I used my past opportunities better, but this horrible depression feels so debilitating that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. No one knows I want to kill myself. Suicide, Â it’s always in the back of my mind like a comfort, that if things get worse I can always get out of this life. My life has become that trivial to me now, that the thought of dying is a comfort.
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8 comments
Thank you for putting my own thoughts into words. Glad to hear someone else say it but sad we have to feel this way. I hate having to say “i’m doing well” to others when really what I want to say is “my life sucks!” I also wasted a lot of great opportunities yet I’m too mentally exhausted to even care anymore.
It’s nice to hear someone understands the feeling and can relate, but like you said its a shame we feel like this at all. I feel like I will be judged if I let people know what I really feel like.
I understand you so well. To me suicide is the only positive thing about life, that we have the choice to leave if it is no longer bearable. Try to talk to someone, call a suicide hotline or anyone anonymous. But talk to someone, its a good thing you came here to post your feelings.
Thanks for the reply. I thought posting here, where people can relate is like my first step in opening up about things. A place I can be honest, but I don’t have the courage to tell anyone face to face yet.
Suicide can be a comforting thought when it feels like it’s the one thing left in our life that we can control. I’d say something helpful but I’m feeling drained.
That’s a good way of putting it, it is really the only choice I feel I can be in control of.
I can definitely relate to that. The thought that I can control the end of my life seems to be the only sense of control I have left.
I see so many comments (from laypeople who haven’t thought about it much) that suicide is the ultimate selfish act. To me, that’s kind of the beauty of it. One fewer selfish person around. The perfect solution.
It could be a cushion, certainly. But it shouldn’t be. Suicide is never the answer. You should never let depression win. It’s not your only option, it never will be. So keep going, because this too shall pass. And if you ever need to talk to someone, I’m here 🙂