Today as been one off the best days I’ve had in months so far I feel there is hope for me I can give so much to this world. my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) don’t know if you have them in the us? but in the uk we do. Well he said that I will be starting counselling next week I’ve been waiting for this for months as they have  a very long waiting list in my area where I live. I still feel down I still fell like ending it. but it is less today then it as been its mead me think my positive I just hoping it lasts.
But at the moment I’m fighting this I do feel today!  like I’ve got something to give I may not have a lot to give but I’m going to focus on that  I’ve lived with this for so many years and In that time I’ve had some ok periods off time where I’ve stayed at an healthy weight not had as many mood swing. So I know I can do it.
I’ve lost a lot  with my illness my dream job a great partner who could take no more  he said  “that he could no longer watch me slowly kill myself” what always stayed with me I’ve lost friends car’t deal with me anymore. I did have a bastard of an ex who prayed on my weakness and tuck me for ever think I had, I lost my home my savings  you name it I lost it. so that was for the best losing him.
I’m going to try and put all the horrors of my past in a box and leave them there if I don’t I’m going to lose this war and it be the end of me. Yes its going to be hard and sometimes I will feel like giving up and calling it a day, I need to over come this manley I need to finely battle my eating problems  head on
I hope some off you we find so hope there always something to fight for even if it’s just the smallest of thing but I know how hard it is to see it when you at your worse and all you can see is darkness. 3 days ago I was ready to call it a day if it was not for my mother saying she loved me there is a very big chance that I would not be here today.
10 comments
Good to hear you’re getting access to therapy and that you’re a fellow Brit! Keep fighting!
Im glad you are feeling better. All my exes have treated me like dirt too. Its nothiing new to me. Im sure you have a good reason to go on and Im happy for you. Some of us are too far gone. Maybe you can get on some meds to help you. For some people they do work. Ive tried all of them and eventually they stopped working. Of course my daughter passing away didnt help matters either. Hope therapy works out for you though and glad you stuck around 🙂
hey lostasfuck this is the frist day in almost a year i have find this bit of hope and I;m trying to hang on to it but its hard but at the same time I know Ive lived with it for 10 years i’m only 24 i.ve been on all kind off meds sines i was 18 been in and out off hospital im giving it one last push
For a while I was actually happy. No meds or anything. I was alone but happy. Then a girl changed all that in less than a month lol. I have lived with severe depression since about 16 years old. Im 33 now so thats a long time of self hatred. I used to deal with it with drugs and drinking when I was younger and finally realized that those things made me feel worse. I got on meds and have tried many different ones they all stopped working eventually. If you find something that works for you, stick with it. You dont want to end up like me. My major thing is just being alone. I hate it.
hey arealist i am worried about it as i know they going to bring stuff from the past what i don’t really want to talk about, i thought most people on here was from the us it nice to have a fellow brit you keep on fighting too
Don’t worry about that part of it. Tell them that you want to focus on the here and now and the future. If you don’t want to talk about the past and don’t feel that it would be beneficial to do so just say that. They won’t push it.
think thats what i’m going to tell them to focus on that
Stick to your guns. They might do what they did to me and say ‘well I need to know some history’. If they push just stick to your guns and re-iterate that you want to focus on coping in the here and now and making a plan for the future that’s in line with the person you are.
i dont mind being on my own that way im not going to get hurt anymore i could not take it
That’s always been my major thing. I hate being alone worse than anything.