I am 38 years old male, at this stage of life I am a negative and depressed person. Uncomfortable to be around people but yet, so dependent on one or two. Lazy, numb, uninterested and unmotivated to do anything. Sick and scared of being in my own head. I cannot love myself , I feel completely numb and destroyed.
I am a terrible person who has lied and now hides in shame for all my mistakes. Hides from people because I have no identity or personality to bring to the table. I am literally dead inside with nothing but thoughts of ending my suffering but too much of a coward and scared to do it.
There is no point in living if I am not living. I don’t care to live, not like this. Not with this numbness. How can one possibly want to continue on when they don’t feel ANYTHING good for themselves or others? This is a nightmare!
I don’t know what to do anymore. This is severe depression but it’s been my personality for as long as I can remember. I don’t want to hurt like this anymore. I don’t understand how the hell to function as a human. What the hell is wrong with me? I am so scared and alone and sick to my stomach. How can I go on when I am not happy with myself or anything in life? This is so confusing and terrifying.