A few minutes ago I read about a girl that was able to purchase a shotgun and use it the same day. If I didn’t have a record of an attempted suicide, I would have the patience to go through the process of all the paper work and time to be able to buy a shotgun.
I have a plan but now I am ironing out the details of who will find me. I really feel bad for whoever it would be. But i’ve decided it shouldn’t be my family. Â So it will have to be a hotel. Yet I am afraid of my suicide being news. The last thing I want for to be known through some news outlet.
Last night I watched a documentary about a family that lost someone through suicide. It made me think about what my family would go through. Last night I had changed my mind about suicide, but then today when I woke up I thought about what i would do with my life. I would be able to do nothing! I can’t find employment, I have not been able to finish my education, and I don’t have any talents or whatever. Oh let’s not forget how ugly and old I am now. It is sad but the reality of this world is that you have to have all three or you are nothing. You are passed up. Ignored. Everyone wants to talk about how the media is telling men how the women they like should look, but really its the other way around. Men know what they like. I know I’ve seen it online, where people don’t hold back and aren’t nice and they speak what is really on their mind.
It is not fair, but it is after all survivor of the fittest. It is nature after all. Someone like me should die and not pass on her genes. The world does not need me.
Maybe suicide is mother nature’s way of picking off the weak.
Oh but I digress…
4 comments
1. I also love cats! 🙂
2. What country are you from if I might ask? I’m from Canada, and the process to get a gun takes time and paperwork as well. I don’t have a previous attempt on record, but I’ll have to do some lying on the paperwork.
3. I am assuming you want your body found. The other option is no body found. For me I plan to do it in the middle of nowhere. No one will even know, not that anyone would care.
4. As to what men want, do some people watching. Look at the couples walking by. You’ll see all types of women paired with all types of guys. Cause in the end, it’s about personality, which I know can be as hard to change as one’s apperance.
The majority of the time it is not about personality. We can’t tell if that is truly what they like cause you see someone walking with them. We don’t know their situation or agreement. Have you listened to men talk about women without women around? Yea most men are very shallow.
To answer your other questions. 2. I am from the US. 3. I’ve never even thought about my body not being found. I didn’t think that was possible.
Wishing the best to you.
I doubt suicide is nature’s way of selection–in nature the losers just get eaten, or they starve, or they catch a fatal infectious disease. So far, if one excepts simple organisms like ants (whose males don’t eat and undergo programmed deaths), only human beings are known to commit suicide for social reasons.
There are things wrong with most of the poorly-thought plans you may read or hear about. Many methods, such as guns, jumping, or car crash, carry a high risk of injuring or killing a bystander. Where I live, persons attempting suicide by these methods but who survived have been prosecuted and sent to jail for reckless endangerment.
In short, there’s a lot of stuff to think about first.
Best wishes to you. I won’t tell you that your life will get better soon, but I hope you decide not to kill yourself.
I, too, love cats. I agree with you completely that life is about survival of the fittest. It feels like we have been forcibly brought into the cruelest popularity contest. That’s all life really is, isn’t it, a popularity contest? Who has the best looks, most money, most talents “wins” and gets all the nice things of life, and who has none of these things is hated. I don’t understand it people say this world is created by a god. What the hell kind of fucked up god designes a world like a brutal popularity contest. As for me I was “voted off the island” so to speak when I was a little child. My face and body are malformed, and in a very severe way. Not I-have-a-cleft-lip but my-facial-bones-are-completely-distorted-as-is-my-sagging-skin. I am old too relatively speaking, 30ish, but it’s not my age that gets me passed over in life. It has always been my looks and mental slowness caused by disease. There was no way for me to ever play the popularity game. Some of us are just born to be losers. I remember little kids used to say this chant at my school and it burned my blood. They thought it was so funny. None of them were hideously ugly like me. They’d say “u-g-l-y you aint got no alibi youre ugly! and how you think you got that way? Youre mom!” I cannot explain to you how much pain and humiliation filled my heart hearing the normal, pretty kids gloat like this. My mom is ugly, and yes I became ugly by inheriting her diseased genes. It’s not like I wanted this, or deserved it. Life is not a game worth playing. The odds are arbitrarily stacked in the favor of some and against others, for no reason but chance. Fuck that. Email me anytime aracole568@yahoo.