You seem like such a nice, helpful person on this site. One deed cannot possibly outweigh all of the good you’ve done. If you want to talk about it further you’re welcome to email me, or just let it all out here. I’ve noticed that people here don’t really jump to judging others.
It’s a long story with repeated bad deeds and I’m just so disgusted with myself I can’t even talk.
I’m glad you think I’m helpful and nice. You know it’s weird how I feel I can’t help myself but I feel compelled to help others. You guys may be strangers to me but I care for each and everyone of you even though I don’t know what half of you look like or sound like. Just human to human, I care for all of you.
Me on the other hand, I couldn’t give two shits if I dropped dead right now lol.
“You guys may be strangers to me but I care for each and everyone of you even though I don’t know what half of you look like or sound like. Just human to human, I care for all of you.
Me on the other hand, I couldn’t give two shits if I dropped dead right now lol.”
Our morals (and mores) are often not really ours, but grafted onto us by society. In a different time and place we could have a completely different value system. Your words suggest you feel being alive is a gift you do not deserve. But you dont say why you’re so terrible or how you betrayed your morals, so there’s no context, but that’s okay too. You might find tho’ if you actually lay out, even just for yourself, why and how you ‘failed’ that you’re not so bad, you just feel that way. We are all struggling with selves we had no hand in making, (we do not birth or rear ourselves) and the lives and troubles we find ourselves in,, often for reasons we don’t fully grasp. This is why actually looking closely, instead of assuming our feelings are always accurate, can be a good thing. Is it actually immoral or just perceived that way? If it is immoral, the fact that you regret it, means you will hopefully not do it again. An example of perceived vs actual immorality could be, say,, someone who is raised to believe homosexuality is a terrible sin against god,, yet happens to be gay, this would likely create terrible conflict. Of course I am not saying this is an issue for you but just as an example of how context is important and how ‘our morals’ are often not ours at all.
We all make mistakes, when I feel like I fucked up, I just do the next right thing. I think you have done so much for the people here, you deserve some kindness and forgiveness too. Like Mannikin says, who’s to say they were even your morals in the first place? And if they were… lesson learned. We care about you as a person, we don’t give two shits about what you’ve done 🙂 Maybe you could find it in your heart to give yourself the same respect you give us?
You guys are great. I’d share the whole story but really it would more than likely destroy my family if someone somehow found out and I couldn’t do that. (Yes killing myself would do the same thing I know).
I took a little nap and feel slightly better. But I keep wondering why I repeatedly do the same thing over and over, knowing it’s wrong, yet I still do it simply because for that brief moment I feel safe, happy, loved, and noticed despite all my issues. I guess I feel selfish in a way on top of all the other emotions going on in my head.
But your guys’ words have made me feel a bit better too. Thank you to all of you.
8 comments
You seem like such a nice, helpful person on this site. One deed cannot possibly outweigh all of the good you’ve done. If you want to talk about it further you’re welcome to email me, or just let it all out here. I’ve noticed that people here don’t really jump to judging others.
It’s a long story with repeated bad deeds and I’m just so disgusted with myself I can’t even talk.
I’m glad you think I’m helpful and nice. You know it’s weird how I feel I can’t help myself but I feel compelled to help others. You guys may be strangers to me but I care for each and everyone of you even though I don’t know what half of you look like or sound like. Just human to human, I care for all of you.
Me on the other hand, I couldn’t give two shits if I dropped dead right now lol.
I know exactly how you feel, that sense of helping others but just wanting to disappear, using up precious space and oxygen
“You guys may be strangers to me but I care for each and everyone of you even though I don’t know what half of you look like or sound like. Just human to human, I care for all of you.
Me on the other hand, I couldn’t give two shits if I dropped dead right now lol.”
That’s how a lot of us feel.
I guess that’s what draws us to gather here together lol
Our morals (and mores) are often not really ours, but grafted onto us by society. In a different time and place we could have a completely different value system. Your words suggest you feel being alive is a gift you do not deserve. But you dont say why you’re so terrible or how you betrayed your morals, so there’s no context, but that’s okay too. You might find tho’ if you actually lay out, even just for yourself, why and how you ‘failed’ that you’re not so bad, you just feel that way. We are all struggling with selves we had no hand in making, (we do not birth or rear ourselves) and the lives and troubles we find ourselves in,, often for reasons we don’t fully grasp. This is why actually looking closely, instead of assuming our feelings are always accurate, can be a good thing. Is it actually immoral or just perceived that way? If it is immoral, the fact that you regret it, means you will hopefully not do it again. An example of perceived vs actual immorality could be, say,, someone who is raised to believe homosexuality is a terrible sin against god,, yet happens to be gay, this would likely create terrible conflict. Of course I am not saying this is an issue for you but just as an example of how context is important and how ‘our morals’ are often not ours at all.
We all make mistakes, when I feel like I fucked up, I just do the next right thing. I think you have done so much for the people here, you deserve some kindness and forgiveness too. Like Mannikin says, who’s to say they were even your morals in the first place? And if they were… lesson learned. We care about you as a person, we don’t give two shits about what you’ve done 🙂 Maybe you could find it in your heart to give yourself the same respect you give us?
You guys are great. I’d share the whole story but really it would more than likely destroy my family if someone somehow found out and I couldn’t do that. (Yes killing myself would do the same thing I know).
I took a little nap and feel slightly better. But I keep wondering why I repeatedly do the same thing over and over, knowing it’s wrong, yet I still do it simply because for that brief moment I feel safe, happy, loved, and noticed despite all my issues. I guess I feel selfish in a way on top of all the other emotions going on in my head.
But your guys’ words have made me feel a bit better too. Thank you to all of you.