i am so tired of having to fake a smile so that other people can accept me, i am so tired of having to pretend that i am tired instead of telling people the truth that i cant handle my life. i am “happier when am sleeping than when i am awake. my dreams keep me going knowing that one day i will jump off from that building. i am tired of getting rejected because i love too easily, now i am afraid to say i love in fear that i will lose someone, i only have one close friend and now like always i will push her away and again ill fall into darkness and maybe this time i wont come back…
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When I was younger I didn’t really have anyone to talk to and there weren’t any sites like this to vent. I would sit next to someone begging for money and tell them everything, lol. Crazy huh? Oh well, crazy as it sounds, it really helped, plus I didn’t have to worry about being judged because I would never see them again. You know what they’d say? “If I’m still here, you can survive too.”
You sound like me. I put my heart out there to people a lot and I get rejected and hurt a lot so now I’m afraid to get close to people and I push them away. It hurts and I feel like I can’t take that anymore.
I feel like I have to smile and put on this fake face to people and when they ask me if I’m okay I have to say I’m good because no one cares about my problems and no one wants to hear that but I take it day by day and I’m doing better. I find that if you have someone to talk to its makes you feel better and a lot of that tension I hold inside just releases and then I just feel great.
Just hold on a little longer I know things will get better for you.
My thoughts are with you, always know there is someone here. It is important.to know someone else is there, and they understand. I have been there. It is so very hard to get thru situations such as yours. Just know you are cared about.
It must be so hard for you, but don’t give up, there will be easier times ahead! I was very lonely kid and I didn’t have many friends when I was young (I had like two real friends), but then I found people like me and we befriended and now we are very close. You are very special and I can see from your text that you are sencitive and caring person because you try to act like you are happy, but please, don’t do it. Be youself, you shouldn’t ever fake happines, it only causes problems and more unhappines for everyone, especially for yourself. I hope you will survive, because when you do I promise it’s worth it!
every day that goes by it is harder for me to be myself, today at work everyone noticed that i was down, and i wanted to tell them what is going on in my head but im pretty sure they would just look at me and say its going to be ok but i cant handle ok anymore i just want to be happy and not fake it. the only person that understands me is my friend and shes just like me but we are starting to drift away and i cant handle losing one more friend. ever since i was a little kid i have been rejected because i was different even my family didnt want to take care of me and finally i find a friend and my dumbass had to get attached to her. and now all i can do is cry at night. i had to take my knife and put it in my car cuz i am too afraid to leave her alone too… hopefully one day i can look back and smile but for now all i can do is look down and hold my emotions.
i just wish that someone was here with me at night because its when i break. i’ve trying to keep my mind busy and i do so well but then i fall back and it hurts even more. i have this weird feeling in my chest and for the last 3 days i cant sleep or eat because of this feeling, yesterday before finding this website i went to the mountains, and i have never screamed so loud in my life, i was throwing rocks at trees, and yelled at the mountain. i was going so fast on those roads hoping i would lose control but by luck i made it back home.
i cant handle myself.