Somehow I always end up back here. When I tell people it makes things worse or things stay the same. Yet I’m here. Yet I’m here.
My mom hid her gun. I’m not very happy about that.
I need help. But I don’t know what to do. Am I waiting for someone to help me? Or is this my pathetic attempt at wanting to help myself? I don’t know. I don’t know.
6 comments
Nate, it’s very likely both. I’ve definitely been where you are now. I’m still kind of in that fugue state, halfway between life and death, terrified of the pain yet wanting the sweet release.
While a million other people are going to tell you that help is available, or to check yourself in with a mental health professional, *I* am going to tell you that *I* am available as well.
I do have some advice. Not everyone appreciates what we go through. Not everyone understands. Had never stood upon that precipice and actually thought it looked like a good idea to jump. They can’t appreciate what it’s like, can’t understand what you’re going through. The therapist is the rope you tie to the tree before you approach the cliff. IF you tie the rope to the tree first. But a friend is the guy standing next to you, telling you to grab his hand.
So talk to us. Talk to *me*. I live in the Eastern United States… if you want, just let me know and I’d be happy to talk to you. Sometimes it helps to just… unburden. And believe me I won’t judge; I’d been there and lemme tell you, it seems everybody out there seems to have it worse. Almost makes me look rather pathetic, to be honest, but hey.
She hid her weapon? Good. Have some respect for the killing power of firearms, by not turning the weapon on yourself. It bugs me how someone would want to end their life using the very same thing that is used as an instrument in protecting them and deterring threats. Sure, I had a few episodes while in the service where I’d fantasise about it. Eventually, once I’d mastered each of the weapons in the army, I acquired a certain appreciation for firearms in general.
Maybe you’ll never learn the way of the weapon as I have, but one thing I can tell you is that dependant on the type of weapon she has – you may end up surviving anyway. This doesn’t mean that I endorse your suicide in any way, it’s just I’d rather you not use a weapon. To answer your question – help yourself. No one else can, even though they would. It all comes down to you, Nathaniel.
I find your arrogance annoying. I’ve fired a wide variety of firearms from bolt-action rifles to semi-automatic rifles to shotguns to higher caliber six-shooters to compact pistols and back. I know of “the killing power” of firearms very well, so you can keep your assumptions because they’re not valid here. Also, It’s perfectly reasonable to have respect for a gun and see it as a quick and relatively painless way out, so I’m not getting the logic behind your main point either. So basically, all you did by commenting was say (very assumingly) “I’m glad your mom hid your pistol because you don’t know what shooting a gun is like. It bothers me that you’d use a gun as a means of suicide. Um yeah. You just have to help yourself. Bye,” Normally when someone leaves such an assuming comment, I just forgive their lack of information and move on. But when someone talks down to me (on a suicide forum no less) as if I’m some sort of idiot who just gave suicide a passing thought, well then I get irritated.
Do me a favor: don’t post on here again. At least, not with this same level of arrogance and a lack of compassion.
My bad. The last eighteen people to talk about shooting themselves didn’t know a clip from a magazine. Good to see someone has knowledge of firearms here – well done. Consider my statement retracted.
Cool. So what about the part where you talked down to me like I’m a kid and said some smart-assed remark which you consider advice?
Talk of firearms is about the only thing I get riled up over and “arrorgant” per se, which leads to otherwise unintentional yet lacklustre commentary from myself. I’ll call it shortsighted and uncalled for, simply because my primal instincts got the better of me (again).
I apologise for any offence caused to you and as aforementioned retracted my statement.
Basically it wasn’t advice, more a rant. Instigated due to the above reasons.