I am just after some validation
Basically I cheated on my 20 week pregnant wife with our second child. I am an asshole. Now she is alone, with a 22 month old, no job, no income…. It’s aweful. I want to give her everything. Im not angry at her. She is at me. She doesnt want me to ever see the kids again and that im not a fit parent. And you know what, she is right! I am an aweful person. Im not a fit father or husband. She says she’ll make it hell for me to see the kids… and she will and I deserve it. She’ll replace me as a father as soon as she can.
So my plan, I know it sounds selfish to wait, I wanted to meet my 2nd born first, and then on that night have a fatal car accident. She collects $700k to raise my boys and hopefully live happily ever after. Im going to make sure its a single vehicle accident. I dont want to hurt anyone else.
I’ve lost all that matters to me so my life means nuthing. I always promised to put my family first and I’d rather know that my family is not burdened financially for my mistakes and she has the time and space to cope with a newborn and 2yr old. I know money doesn’t fix everything but i think it would be a huge help in this instance.
Thoughts?
16 comments
Yeah. Killing yourself is not the answer here. She’d rather you be a father with VD, than not here to be their father. She’s not gonna be able to raise them without you, nor can she ever replace you.
You have sexual needs, that probably COULDNT be satisfied by your 20wk pregnant wife, right? (<—Rhetorical) Time to give yourself a break, shit happens, it's not the end of the world.
So, you screwed up. Millions of men and women have done the same, but you don’t deserve to die for it. If I were your wife, I’d probably want to kill you, but I wouldn’t. Forgiveness is always an option. How do you think your kids will feel, knowing they might have been the reason for their father’s death. Hang in there and work you make your life better. You never know what the future might bring.
Wow, I wonder why, you’re a piece of shit for cheating on her period let alone when she was pregnant. I would be deeply angry and hold a vendetta against you as well too if I were in her position , you don’t deserve to be a father nor do you deserve to be with her, she deserves someone who is responsible and dedicated. Don’t kill yourself, move on and learn from your mistakes and leave her alone. Cheating on someone is NEVER a mistake. Get over yourself, you made that decision, you deserve the consequences.
Stop throwing a pity party, you ARE a disgusting human being for doing what you did, stop crying about how hard it is being an asshole when you CHOSE to be one. You got what you deserve, stop feeling sorry for yourself, my god, people like you piss me off. Grow the fuck up and stop saying “woe is me” because someone hates you because you did something completely worthy of that hate. Get over it.
How about you start with an honest apology for being a douchewagon? Then, although she is very (and understandably) upset and angry with you, you can grant her the divorce she may be seeking which will require you to pay the responsible and required child support – but will also require HER to give you visitation with your children. That process alone has salvaged more marriages simply by being a big pain in the ass for all parties involved – assuming you are indeed repentant and and willing to live a better life of respect, honesty and loyalty that you claim to have learned for this “mistake” of yours.
Although she has every right to be flaming pissed at you – she does NOT have the right to withhold your children – unless she can prove that you truly are an unfit parent … having poor decision making skills with where you insert your penis does not qualify as an attribute of being “unfit” as long was you aren’t sticking it in your kids, others kids or in front of your kids. It is no more “right” for her to use your children as a weapon for her anger than it is for you to kill yourself to “help” your children.
As has been said above – grow up, and take your medicine like a man … but more importantly DO THE RIGHT THING that you claim to know now what to do. I can assure you, having had to play these games with the mothers of my children (they are adults now), it is not easy … but in the end, it IS worth the effort, and the pain and anger from your actions will diminish – provided you act like the father/husband you claim to now know to be.
The choice is yours – be a better man, endure the consequences but be reformed – continue being a douchewagon that cares only for himself and the needs of his penis – or die.
two of these options are generally unacceptable to polite society but still that choice is solely yours – choose wisely – one of these options has a pretty good endgame that includes very thankful children
realistic dawg
Hey joe, I don’t have much wisdom to share. But i can share a little story with you. In this instance it was my mother who cheated on my father, I was about 6 when it happened and i still remember it to this day (22). For years my brother and I hated our mother, We would not talk to her or even acknowledge her existence. You are not a piece of shit, you are a human being and sometimes we make the wrong decisions. I am not trying to say what you did it right what i am saying is that your kids will come around and she will as well. I have shared so many great memories with my mother and i would not trade it for anything. Yes she is a cheater and yes she almost pushed my father to the brink of wanting to die as well. My mother lives with what she did everyday, she missed out on a great man. Your kids might never talk to you or they might its hard to say. But one thing is for sure. If my mother killed her self I would not be the person i am today. Your kids may never forgive you they may never talk to you but that is not the point the point is that you will always be there for them. Do what you can with what you have at hand, Take it one day at a time. Just think about all the things you might be able to share with them, Birthdays, Christmas…. When you get to a bad place where you want to die or you want to drive off the road while you are driving just think about your kids think about the mother of your kids, She will be alone with YOUR children. Just help when you can and where you can. It will be alright, just keep your chin up and push threw it.
She collects $700k to raise my boys and hopefully live happily ever after.
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I’d be careful about that, assuming there’s some sort of life insurance policy involved. If the policy has been in force for only a short while, the claim can and probably will be denied. Even if the policy has moved beyond its “contestable period,” they can still deny the claim if you were something less than 100% honest with the application.
And if it isn’t a life insurance policy, well what is it? $700k is a lot of money. I hope you don’t think it is the proceeds of a lawsuit or something like that…b/c I’m skeptical you’ll ever see it.
Don’t kill yourself man. Just do whats right. Yeah you messed up royally! No one can deny that. Chances are things will never be the same again. She has every right to hate you, be pissed and never forgive you. And you have to respect that. If the only way you can ever do right by her and your kids, is to financially support them. Do that! And I don’t mean by killing yourself in a car accident. Those kids need a father! And trusting some other man to come along and fill that role is just wrong. How do you know that man will treat your children as good as you do. How do you know he won’t abuse them, in any way. Sure there’s a chance your wife might divorce you and move on. Still, you need to be there to kick that mans ass if he does something wrong to your children. And maybe, just maybe…She might notice you truly see the error in your ways and she see’s you caring financially and emotionally when you have visitation that might go along way in the way she responds to you down the road. She may not ever take you back, but she might not have a problem with you taking the kids from time to time. And if she has a big enough heart, she may find forgiveness for what you’ve done to her. That’s probably stretching, but stranger things have happened.
And this comes from a guy who never knew his real father. As a kid, I thought maybe it was my fault why my father never wanted to be a part of my life. He called once and wanted to meet me, but he never showed up. Even if you kill yourself, they’re still going to ask that question. Don’t do that to your kids.
Lot of good feedback and much better than any validation you would’ve gotten.
There is no validation here.
I admit i screwed up, but i am NOT playing the victim. It pisses me off anyone would even suggest that. I am trying to do right by them. Im just not 100% sure what right is in this situation. I would of though setting them up financially forever is right?
I dont think I am a fit parent. I certainly don’t want my children turning out to be like me. So what options do i have. Never see them, which as someone above said makes them wonder what they ever did wrong. Or have a car accident. Atleast there is closure, and a large payout. And yes I am confident they will get the money. Its a long standing life insurance policy (but i will definitely check the fine print now).
Either my views of what right is are so far left noone can see my point of view, or maybe my point of view is fucked up totally. Im trying to figure this out. I ask this because to be honest i know I am fucked up morally, hence why i am asking.
So the question is – Is this really a bad idea? This is a way to look after them forever.
Contrary to some people suggestions I’m doing to do what best for them.
It’s time now for you & your ex to put your kid’s first before yourselves. That’s what parents are supposed to do- why else have kids if all adults think about are their own feelings- and that applies to your ex just as much as it does to you. It is good you are going to do what is right by your children. Everyone makes mistakes- sexually, morally, whatever way- it’s what makes us human. It’s usually a lot more than just sexual needs that drives a person to cheat on their partner- underneath it all there are other needs they are craving to get fulfilled. Things were probably not perfect between you & your wife before you strayed. Lots of people make the same mistake as you did but don’t get caught out. What happened happened and is now in the past- it can’t be undone. The only thing you can do is look forward & do your best for your wife by been there for her to support her financially & emotionally to rear your children. You have every right to 50% access to your children. Your wife has got to grow up now also & not use the children as a weapon to hurt you. That would not be fair on your children- she would only deprive two children of their Dad just as a form of revenge & from a place of hurt in her. Those children deserve you both. OK, what you did was wrong but it is happening all over the world & most manage to keep it hidden. Do not kill your self- you are still a good person, you have the chance now to out your wife & 2 children before yourself, until those children reach adulthood they need a father. Looking after them financially is not enough, they will need you there to help with school, nappy changing, going to the dentist, doctor, college, for guidance going out into the world. No one ever can take your place as their father. They need you, especially a man who can own up, admit to having fallen but then to get up & try again. I must say people on this site are not very compassionate to a man whom is saying he did wrong, who is hurting deeply & who wants to do the right thing. Hold your head up & accept you are human who f’kd up. It’s not the end of the world. The right thing is to stay around to be there emotionally for your wife & kids. And if she meets someone else you have no right to stop her doing so. Don’t be waiting for her to forgive you- it’s you who has to forgive yourself- DO IT ASAP & please do not be grovelling around your kids or wife. Hold up your head! IF your wife is angry she can go for counselling. If your guilty you can go for counselling too, Life is short- both of you parents have to set aside animosity & be there for your children- it’s not about ye 2 now, it’s the children who has to come before yours & her’s feelings- that’s what real love is. She will sooner or later have to let go of the hate she feel’s for you & you probably feel for yourself. Most of us have been in that place, your not alone
I’m no shrink, but you sound like a narcissist. Narcissists generally don’t take their own lives. You’ll be fine. The people you leave in your path of destruction, not so much.
You being dead is not the “Best for them” It is far from that. If anything its the exact opposite. Yes she will get 700k and that would be enough to care for 2 kids for a long time. But you are also banking on that she wont blow threw the money. You need to stay alive and take care of YOUR kids. Dont leave her alone to do all the work. Your presence in their life is worth more than 700k its priceless.
Sounds like a good idea.
thanks everyone. I had to google narcissistic even…. Learnt something new today.
Thanks for all your views. I guess i need to try and think this through a little more. I do love my kids alot, perhaps it was the easy way out. Ive booked in to see a psychologist before i make any more decisions from here.
Best of luck. You will get threw this!