I just finished my last cigarette and I’m sitting outside looking over the past and present and I can’t help but to feel sad. I just realized how alone I really am. I have no friends, no one to talk to, and nothing to do. My sleep schedule is messed up; I sleep all day and stay awake all night, so everything is shrouded by silence and I’m my only friend. I feel lonely. I’ve lost everything that once made me feel alive and that’s all I think about. I wish I had someone, anyone, to make me feel again. My life revolves around YouTube and TV, and occasional video games. I am so tired of it. I get so bored with life, and it’s hard because I can’t really do anything else. I can’t even go outside due to the fact that there are people who want to hurt me. I feel so alone. I am tired of being bullied, feeling alone and suicidal. I just want someone to help me make this feeling go away.
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I feel very sad reading this Lunaa. As you probably know, staying up all night and sleeping during the day will not make you feel better. It’s a way of avoiding stuff, but it’s not a natural way for a human to live and will make you feel worse as well as isolate you further. We need other people. I isolate myself, so I know how it affects a person, but I am always sure to go out most days, if only to be around others of my species, even if I don’t talk to them. If you feel there’s people out there that want to hurt you that’s a concern which you need to share with someone in real life so that it can be dealt with.
You’re right.. I’ve been trying to fix my sleep schedule so I can a least be around my mom and brother, but it’s becoming hard. This insomnia is frustrating and stressing me out, I hate feeling alone at night, and I hate isolating myself from the world because of the fear I have.. I want to change it and have been trying to find ways to. And what you said about going out and surrounding yourself with people even if you’re not talking to them, really stands out to me. Maybe I will try that, because in a way, it sounds relieving.. And I will try to talk to someone about the hurt I am going through, it’s bothersome :/
I’m so sorry Lunaa. I hope things get better. The bullies are like wolves they are parasitic suck the life out of the good people. I know how it is. do you have any decent people in your life at all? if not talk to me i dont ming email at conduit28@gmail.com. we can start a dialoge if you like who knows maybe talking to someone whos been through it will help. I’m goin through a bad time now too. ive been a victim of bullying and id like to shae some with you
Thank you, in all honesty that means a lot to me.. I really don’t have anyone to talk to, so yeah… I’ll try to message you, I’m just awkward I suppose haha. But again, thank you