Forgotten

I moved out to Corona, California in June of 2013, and bout two months into moving to the new city I still felt new to the city and developed a sadness for being a way from my old friends. I am a 16 year old guy and I’m not much of a social person. I pretty much stuck with the same friends I had living in my old town. But back then I was more social and interactive with my friends, I actually did things outside of school and home with my friends. The last time I had a girlfriend was 2012. But now living where I am I feel lonely and forgotten. I have a few friends now and I’m not saying it’s bad or that they are bad people but it’s just not the same. I have become less social. I have become sadder. I have nothing. There hasn’t been a time where I was actually happy since moving to Corona. I haven’t had a girlfriend in a long time. At school I don’t do so well academically, and I feel like I am a failure and have no future. All I do now is just sit at home all day playing games. The only time I ever go out of my house is to take out the trash or get the mail or things like that. But besides that, I am just inside my home playing games, the only people I talk to are the little bit of friends I have in my old city. I am starting to get forgotten. I am having less and less friends in my old city and am barley having friends here so that is why I feel lonely and forgotten. I also had a friend in my old city. We were best friends for a really long time and after 6 years of being best friends and doing everything together, I told her that i might be in love with her and things changed. Its been longer than a year since we last talked and I just hate myself for ruining things between me and the good things I had. I have felt the need to end my life many times and then there are days when I ask myself “Why would I do such a thing and leave my family like that?” There was one day, where it could have been the day. The next day I felt so shocked and I felt like I survived because that morning when I woke up I thought to myself “Wow I wouldn’t be here today.” I am just scared for myself because I actually have a plan…