When I first found out that it was love, real love, I couldn’t wait to tell her. I knew that she would be so damn proud of me, cause she always wanted the best for her little boy. And yes, she saw the struggle I went through in my younger years. She knew that I didn’t want to live my life and that it was simply a cruel joke. She saw all this, my mother. But I stayed strong for her and kept a promise.
When I proclaimed that the time had come..and that I didn’t need to be alone anymore..I told her that I was gonna ask this girl to marry me, she couldn’t be happier. All her dreams starting to come true. We all want to see our dreams fulfilled before our time has passed. And it was only right that I put my mothers and mine, our dreams to the test. I wanted her to know I was gonna be ok..
When my wife left me, she really shattered those dreams. She didn’t even say goodbye to my family. All the love we put out for this girl, so that she would feel apart of this family.
I use to always keep my mom up to date with how things were going, I use to smile…I use to be able to hold it together.
But now I can hardly face her, my own mother. She tries so hard to be positive for me but I just lose control and break down every time I see her. To know that I failed her is just too hard to take. She is constantly texting me trying to make sure I’m still alive. She fakes her smile so well. But at every corner I find myself trying to escape her, trying to avoid her as much as possible. It’s just too hard for me.. She deserved to see me happy for once and now I have to start all over again. She tries to invite me to family get togethers with my nieces but she just doesn’t understand.. I’m not that family man I was trying so hard to be. I don’t want any part in a family that isn’t mine. I can’t be that one failure amongst my own clan anymore…I’m done wasting everyone’s time with how miserable my life is. I have to try and find myself out there some where in this world.
And I’m truly sorry to her..
But I have to leave this place
It’s no longer my home
I’m sorry mom
7 comments
You only fail when you stop trying to succeed brother. Your mother dosnt see you as a failure, sure she may be upset, but shes upset for you. That didn’t mean she looks at you and sees a fuck up, i bet she looks and sees a man keeps fighting no matter what, never gives up. And i know that that would make her proud that despite everything you’ve been through, you keep going, any mother would be proud of you. Never think of yourself as a failure in her eyes, every day you wake up and face the world is another day shes proud of you. A mothers love knows no bounds man, so don’t you go telling yourself that she sees failure cause ur anything but that, and i sware to god if you disagree with that im gonna come over there and slap some sence into ya! We never fail as long as we keep trying man.
Thanks man.
No she doesn’t see me as a failure. I still want to make her proud one day.
But I gotta go out and live my life in order to do that. I have to go where I can leave this behind and be stronger. And one day I can come back, hopefully when I’ve finally made things better.
Thanks
If you feel uve to leave where u are now to make something of yourself then go as far as you want, go arround the world, go forth and experience the world and grow and just for the record, id be happy if you were my actuall brother, hell id trade one of the ones i have for you now lol
Don’t you hate when you have soooo much you want to respond with..but have zero time?! lol
You are my brother, brother! 🙂
Hey I just recalled… I said the same exact thing to you last year! lol
Yeah man, there’s nothing worse than having something awsome to say, no time, coming back later only to have forgotten it. :-/ Good cause i consider my family to be made of people i want in it, not blood. U nd pain (despite my ability to find him) are my brothers.
lol yeah, i remember, it was as good advice then as it is now!
I feel a lot like you describe – I am an ex wife.
sorry you are going through this. Praying for you