So let me just start by saying, I hate myself. I have for a long time (almost 7 years). I’m 16 (almost 17) and male.
Just about everyday i’m told about how i need to get a job and get a liscence and get a car. I spend all my time in my room, on the internet because there i can do what i want without getting picked on. My whole school life people have made fun of me. In primary school i didnt give a shit. But in highschool, with 4 times the people (and people from other grades) picking on me and making me sad, lets just say my self esteem died. From all this i dont really have any friends. Alot of the time my parents tell me i should go and hang out with my friends, they must not understand the phrase “i dont have friends” because they still tell me to go out. I even get picked on by them, they tell me i dont do enough chores and i get it easy, i feel like all i do is fail them so i avoid situations where people depend on me. Things like doing the dishes and stuff i feel like even if i try my best, its just not good enough. Everyone says im fat, so yeah, i do tend to eat when im sad, i often get the urge to throw up but i havent done that. I always get compared to everyone else in my family, saying “at your age we wouldent see them for weeks at a time, why arnt you like that?”, and “Look at them, they got a job, even your younger brother has a job, why cant you?” . I dont want a job, i’ll have to talk to people, i just cant do that. Every job where i live is retail and that means talking to people, im fucked. They keep saying that “Being afraid of people” isnt an excuse. When it IS, i cant go anywhere without feeling nausea, dizziness and thumping headaches. Im just not good enough, i feel like if i wasnt alive they would be happy. I wish i wasnt alive, its not like im ever going to be happy. Its not like i DESERVE to be happy. I dont have the energy to do this anymore, why cant i be like everyone else, im such a failure…
NOTE: I did go to get my liscence once, i failed. Everyone made fun of me for a few months
6 comments
My parents always compare me to others too. And i dont have any friends. And they tell me i have it easy. I could go on, Oh this is almost a reflection of me, except i dont have siblings. Sorry that you are going through this. I hope you can find some nice people sometime, who dont judge you and bully you. I wish i could offer advice
Thanks for replying, i just wish i could be the person everyone wants me to be
Just do your best, if they cant accept that, thats their problem. Keep trying stuff over and over until you can do it. You were not born to please them.
I know i wasnt born to please them, but it would be heaps better if i could please atleast one person instead on disappointing the at every chance
your parents should encourage you instead of putting you down
In my opinion, you should at least try making it to 21 before taking your life. TRUE depression doesn’t even really occur until the twenties. Just wait and see. But again, give yourself a chance first. Try getting into a relationship. Right now you’re at the age when that’s a really easy thing to do. People become tainted and less trusting over time.